


Reunion

by historicallyredacted (lockandkey)



Category: Percy Jackson and the Olympians & Related Fandoms - All Media Types, Percy Jackson and the Olympians - Rick Riordan, The Heroes of Olympus - Rick Riordan
Genre: AU, Attempted Sexual Assault, Bullying, Disabled Character, F/F, F/M, Foster Care, Graduation, Internalized Homophobia, Kink Negotiation, M/M, Multi, No Godly Parents, Other, Past Child Abuse, Past Drug Use, School Reunion, Self-Esteem Issues, Unreliable Narrator, highschool
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-02-23
Updated: 2019-08-28
Packaged: 2019-11-04 10:23:03
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 5
Words: 37,435
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17896658
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lockandkey/pseuds/historicallyredacted
Summary: Can people really change? Are we stuck being who we were in school?Leo hopes not, after everything he did and said in his past.Hazel, however, is counting on it.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This brain fart effectively came from what I'd seen on forums, on tumblr, across the internet. While Leo is an obviously well liked character, I remember seeing a very specific set of individuals that believed he was sexist and possibly even homophobic  
> I got it in my head, what if Leo had stayed with his blood relatives, his aunt that called him the devil. What if some of his more negative traits were compounded, not relieved by meeting new friends and family?
> 
> This is an AU away from the godly happenings, but the point of this is at the beginning of this story: Leo is a bully. No getting around it. That's a sensitive topic for a lot of folks, so take caution. I tend to have a hard time avoiding putting any humor in a story, but that doesn't mean there couldn't be potentially triggering topics.

  
  
  
  
“You'll never be anything!” Hazel yelled, golden eyes pinpointed on him. The sheer fury left the gold tinted dark with anger. “You'll never be more than what you are right now. An arrogant, egotistical, self-centered, bigoted _bully_. In 5 year, 10 years, or 20; you'll be exactly what you are now. You'll have _exactly_ what you deserve.”  
  
Leo didn't say anything back then. He just laughed it off with the other guys around him, while looking down at Hazel, at Nico, and at a very bloody nosed Frank.  
  
He didn't care. They were losers. Self-righteous losers. The artsy nerd, the gay nerd, and the fat nerd. Who gave a shit? That didn't even begin to describe their _entire_ little group, but they were the ones that seemed most frequently to take issue with Leo.   
Or, rather, Leo took issue with them.   
(Why on earth was someone like _Hazel_ dating someone like _Frank_? It made absolutely no sense.)  
  
As Leo began to walk away, dumping out the contents of Frank's backpack as he went, Hazel's voice rang out once more.  
  
“I swear on my life that we will meet again, years from now. You'll see how far we've come, and how you've done _nothing_ with your life. We'll see who the bigger loser is.”  
  
“It'll still be Zhang!” Leo shot back with a laugh, but his amusement died on his lips as he turned his head over his shoulder and met Hazel's eyes. Her expression told him it was a promise, not a threat. She could see into the future it felt like, and it left him terrified.  
  
  
  
Leo woke up, eyes wide.  
  
It took a moment before realizing he was in his apartment. The same place he'd woken up every morning for the last few years.   
  
Glancing at the side table alarm, Leo didn't realize exactly why he had woken up so early until he heard the beeping coming from his phone.   
A message.  
  
 _“Uh, hello? If this is Leo Valdez...My name is Gwen, I've been asked to inform you that the 10 year graduation anniversary is next month. That's the 7_ _th_ _next Saturday. It will be held at the school gymnasium. Attendance will be your graduation year, the year above yours, and the year below. It's being hosted by Hazel Levesque. We hope to see you there, have a good day.”If you intend to RSVP, please call-"  
_  
Leo blinked at his phone. How the fuck had they gotten his phone number?   
Wait, that...was not the most pressing issue.  
  
“Oh no,” Leo whispered, remembering his dream and the real life scenario that caused it. “Oh _god_ , she was right.”  
  
His studio apartment was silent, unsympathetic to his plight. The unwashed dishes in the sink, the mold stains on the ceiling, the stacks of tools, and the stacks of porn. They said nothing to defend him.  
  
Leo Valdez _was_ a fucking loser.  
  
  
-  
  
“Are you sure about this?” Frank asked, months earlier to Leo's internal conflict. Hazel looked up from the papers she was filing away.  
  
“About the reunion?” She smiled at her husband. “Why wouldn't I be?”  
  
Frank rubbed at his chin, looking out the window of the high rise. Hazel's office had one of the best views around town. “I mean, normally it would be just your year, or my year...”  
  
“Our school wasn't very big, Frank, it just makes more sense to do it this way. We'll get to see more people.” Hazel moved to sit down at her desk, across from Frank lazily turning in his seat.   
  
“Right, you have no ulterior motives.”   
  
Hazel had the decency to feign confusion, “ulterior motives?”  
  
“Hazel,” Frank stared her down, “you can't tell me this has nothing to do with Valdez.”  
  
They didn't say much for a minute, immovable object and unstoppable force. Normally, Hazel won all conflicts when it came to sheer stubbornness, but this was different.  
“After your entire life work, you're throwing a party for petty revenge.” Frank stated, and Hazel huffed, uncrossing and recrossing her legs.   
  
“I am not. I want to get back together with everyone. I mean, we still see folks from time to time, but everyone has gotten so busy. Plus, it'll be nice to remember where we came from, and where we are now.”  
  
Frank hummed, leaning back in his chair, and crossing his arms unconvinced.   
  
“Plus,” Hazel smiled a plastic smile. “I wouldn't call it ... _petty revenge_. More like...closure?”  
  
“And what will you do if him and his friends have all done amazingly well in life, and are exceeding content and happy? Will you accept that, and just...move on?” Frank pushed her, watching closely as Hazel's hands twitched a few times.   
  
“That won't be a problem,” Frank began to relax, but it was too soon. “There's no possible way that could have happened.”  
  
Before frank could argue with her more, Hazel's assistant walked in holding a new stack of paperwork. “Mrs. Levesque, Horton and Meyers firm sent over their end of the documents on the San Rosa space.”  
  
Hazel smiled happily and thanked the girl. “This is a great step forward, thank you for your hard work, Cara.”  
  
After the assistant left, Hazel beamed at Frank.”Well, I think this calls for celebration.”  
  
Frank shook his head, but agreed to it anyway. It wasn't as though Hazel was a psychologist, but it seemed strange to him that the CFO of a company that specialized in behavioral health and services could be so blind to her own actions.  
  
He'd known Hazel since she was thirteen, and for better or worse, everything she accomplished ultimately revolved around their high school years.   
Working her ass off and graduating college early, with honors; working her ass off as a intern; working her ass off as a volunteer; working her ass off at her job until she climbed higher and higher until she ended up here. Hazel handled millions of dollars for the company yearly, she oversaw new development, new sales.   
All because Hazel had something to prove. It all had to be for a good cause, to help people, for the betterment of people.   
  
Because Hazel had spent years watching her friends and family get beat down. It wasn't just Valdez, of course, but he was the figurehead in her mind. The smirking, laughing, jeering asshole that represented everything she hated.   
  
Frank was wrong, Hazel thought as she grabbed her jacket; it wasn't _petty_. It was well deserved. She spent her life encouraging the underdog that they were worth more than they had been led to believe by people like _Leo Valdez_.  
  
  
  
  
When Leo was 8, after his mother died, he moved in with his Aunt Rosa and his cousins.   
It was better than foster case, he had thought, but not by much.   
Leo had 4 cousins and all of them boys, none of which looked particularly like him; Raphael, Emiliano, Ignacio, and Carlos. Carlos, the youngest, was only 4 when Leo moved in - he was the only one who wasn't feet taller and wider than Leo.  
Leo was never certain where he got his figure, his mother wasn't petite, and his aunt certainly wasn't in any stretch of the imagination. Supposedly, though he had never met him, Leo's father wasn't a small man.   
His cousin's father Santino was larger than Leo's aunt, which was saying something, and had a personality that could make house paint shrivel and peel. The man had ran a few small businesses after spending his youth in the military. He expected everyone he knew to fall in line, children included. Children especially.   
  
It wasn't the best environment to move into, and Leo spent the first few years trying desperately to fit in. His mother, when she was alive had always supported Leo in whatever he dreamt up; drawing, fiddling, and making and building.   
His aunt Rosa did not.   
Santino had taken his sketch book and thrown it away - calling it girlish. “ _Real men_ ” didn’t draw.  
His cousins destroyed anything Leo ever took the time to make. He didn’t blame them, of course, he felt like it was his own fault.   
  
So, Leo stopped. He stopped everything. Hung his head down, to not have it cut off.   
  
It didn't take long before his cousins brought him into their circle, their friends, and friends of friends. Leo didn't like any of them at first, but again believed that was _his_ fault, not theirs. There was something wrong with _him._ I mean, after all they all seemed to like generally the same things, talk the same way, act the same way.   
_Why_ wasn't he like any of them? He tried to be like them, even though he didn't look the part. Slim, weak, head of big curls. Well, his hair hadn't lasted long either.   
He didn't have the conviction - but if he could _pretend_ to be normal, it would work.  
  
It didn't take long before it wasn't a conscious effort to fit in, it was second nature to him.   
Leo had eaten the lie.  
  
Entering high school, Leo found himself confident and cocky, with a circle of friends. He didn’t have a real reason for that confidence. He didn't think about it, didn't think about himself. On a bad night, Leo might have admitted to himself that it was all only skin deep, but he kept up the act because at this point Leo had no idea what else to be. He thought this is what he _should_ be. _This_ was normal.   
  
He acted the part. He did it well. Leo could be funny, and had a number of teachers who liked him. There were a bunch of students he was on good terms with. Leo had girlfriends. On the surface, it all seemed right to him. Now, his cousins got along with him, Rosa treated him better, Santino even said Leo should come work for him after school. It was high praise. It felt good, back then.  
  
Their school was small enough folks knew each other well enough. There was just barely 80 students in his graduating year, and that was fairly typical turn out for the area.   
  
Leo fit in with who he thought he should fit in with, and didn't have to think about it much further; but suddenly people popped up to question his beliefs. His pond expanded, and he started having issues adapting.  
  
Annabeth and Percy.   
Jason and Piper.   
Frank and Hazel.  
Nico and Will.  
Reyna and Thalia.  
More and more, more than Leo could name after awhile.  
  
They were all fairly different, they liked different things, and they talked about different things. They were still friends. The girls were smart in different ways, and they were brave. The guys were clever in different ways, and didn't talk shit about the girls, or each other. What Leo viewed as “typical guy behavior” was missing.   
Nico was gay, Will was gay -- no one thought it was strange. Bisexual, Lesbian, Asexual, Transgender, and it all seemed perfectly normal to them. Leo didn't bother asking anyone about it.  
Leo's 'friends' called them any number of youtube comment section-esque slurs they thought were funny.   
  
None of them liked the people Leo knew. None of them liked Leo, because of who Leo knew.  
  
These were not traits seen in the people he knew.   
He didn't know who was right. Who was abnormal, or if abnormal even meant _bad_.  
  
It was easier just to side with his cousins, it was safer. It was familiar. He didn’t want to get the shit beat out of him. He didn't want to lose the one home he had left.  
  
But sometimes, in the back of his mind Leo he thought he'd rather be with _those_ guys, than his own family. Leo would think back on his drawings and crafts as a child, how his mother never treated him badly for it. He was happier then, he had hobbies then, interests. Now, he just had expectations.   
Aunt Rosa always said his mother was too soft on him, that it was 'no wonder' he was the way he was - it only made sense, given his parentage.  
  
Leo watched _those people_ more and more.... over time Leo grew to have a rather sizable crush on Hazel Levesque. She was bright, witty, caring, creative, and she was a fighter. (Literally, she did kickboxing.)  
So, when she began dating _Frank_ of all people, that was when Leo started to join in on the taunts. Chubby, lumbering, babyfaced Frank Zhang.   
It got out of hand fast. Leo stopped wanting to be one of them. His own jealousy and self esteem issues increased day by day, poisoning him. Why didn't she like him? That question hurt. What was wrong with him? That question was hard to face. It was easier to instead ask: What was wrong with _her_?   
  
His family parroted his own insecurities, validated them. Girls like that were 'trouble', 'no good', they'd emasculate men around them. Leo still thought she was perfect, but couldn't admit it.  
  
Why did he feel so sick all the time?  
  
That day, the day of his dream, Leo had been arguing with Frank. He sought out Frank. He wanted to know why _him_. Normally, there was no way Leo would be able to beat the other guy in a fight - but Leo didn’t need to, he had much larger cousins who could do the hitting for him. Ones who didn't feel bad about ganging up on a single Frank; who, truth be told,  still usually held his own against the others.  
  
Frank called Leo a bigot, so Ignacio gave Frank a black eye. When Hazel showed up with her half brother Nico, it prompted a new set of 'jokes'. Things that deep down made Leo feel itchy and wrong in his own skin.  
  
Leo thought a lot about that day over the years. It marked a change, for better and for worse. It was the day that he realized Hazel hated him. When he looked back at her, he didn't just see her angry, he saw her vengeful. Leo saw her protecting someone, and realized no one would do the same for him.   
  
It was the day he really began to question himself again, after years of going along with whatever his cousins did and said.   
  
When their class graduated, she and her friends still hated him. Leo didn't like to look at them anymore, didn't like to look at himself either. He had stopped instigating issues, usually, but he was always there. Listening. Realizing he needed to get away from everything, from everyone.  
  
Leo told Santino he'd not be working for him after school, that he wanted to further his education. He wanted to become an engineer. Shop had been one of the few times Leo felt right anymore, and he wanted to follow that. He wanted to be more like his mom, not his Aunt.  
Santino argued it, but ultimately just left in a huff.  
  
Things got steadily shittier in his life after that.   
  
His cousins began to pick up that something was 'wrong' with Leo. Rosa became quiet, suspicious. It didn't matter, Leo's grades were fine, and he was technically an orphan. He was accepted into a technical college, a few towns over, well away from his family. He'd have to work to afford living there alone, but he had some money saved up.  
Finally, Leo was looking forward to his future. He didn't want Hazel Levesque to be right about him, he wanted to prove her wrong. He wanted to meet her years and years off in the future and tell her...Well, he wasn't sure yet.   
  
Just before heading off to the college, Leo made the biggest mistake of his life.  
He’d dated a few girls over the years, had some one night stands while drunk with equally drunk girls, nothing lasted. It felt weird, impersonal, not what Leo wanted, but his cousins would congratulate him, or simply just blame the girls.  
  
But, that night, Leo still needed that stress relief. Everyone was out of the house for once, besides Carlos who was sleeping off in another room.   
  
Leo happily pulled up some porn, the kinds he didn't admit to anyone he liked. The kind where a very attractive woman was in control. Leo'd felt so lost most of his life, that someone taking control while he was allowed to be completely vulnerable and still accepted was a strong forbidden fruit. There was another video, Leo clicked on a whim, but hadn't completely realized what it was until it started playing. There was no preview function in those days on any video streaming service. It was a threesome with two men and a woman. Leo freaked out momentarily, but before hitting the back button, something made him stop. The guys kissed, they touched, and it ended with one man fucking the other while one guy ate out the girl.  
Leo watched it once, twice, three times or more and then the related videos as well. It was about a million different parts of himself he didn't want to admit to. In the back of his mind, he could hear _himself_ calling Nico and Piper and Jason and Frank names. Fag. Gay, Bi, whatever the hell _pan_ was. They called him ignorant, and he hadn't wanted to admit they were correct. He never took the time to look up a single thing. He was too afraid of what he might find. It hurt. He felt guilty. But, he couldn't look away either. It was something beyond just sexual, it was cathartic, it was a purge of emotions.  
  
How cruel a punishment, he realized. Leo had burned every bridge to the few people who may have understood him.  
  
That was, of course, when Carlos walked in...seeing what Leo was seeing.   
  
He left, not saying anything - Leo hoped briefly that Carlos was on his side. Little Carlos, his baby cousin. He was only just a freshman in High school now.  
  
Leo didn't see anyone until later that night. He heard cars arrive, heard talking, and stayed in his room. Leo had never felt so afraid in his entire life. Santino showed up awhile later, with Carlos lingering behind him, looking uncertain.   
Santino dragged him to the garage, past Leo's family. Leo yelled at him, yelled at them, tried to explain, he lied and lied and lied; but it was too late. Santino started a table saw, to not be heard by neighbors. Santino grabbed up hammer from a bag. He said nothing the entire time, and Leo shook as he was pulled over to a work bench.   
No one defended Leo, no one came to his rescue.   
  
Santino simply told Leo to get out afterwards. Leo was doubled over, clutching his wrist to his chest, dry heaving in pain. His hand, multiple fingers, were left shattered and bloody.  
Leo left with nothing but his wallet and cellphone. Not that he had much besides that. Rosa watched him leave, and looked unsympathetic.   
  
“You're just like your mother.”   
  
Leo ended up in the cheap apartment he had put a down payment on but hadn't moved into yet. It was unfurnished, but it wasn't back _there_. He was afraid to go to the hospital, to go to the police.   
Leo's right hand, his dominant hand, did not work correctly anymore. He couldn't make a firm grasp, and he couldn't hold a pen or pencil.   
Leo could not longer afford to have it fixed. He had no insurance. No nothing.  
  
Leo could no longer be an engineer the way he had wanted. He was forced to abandon his dreams before ever even starting.  
  
He got hired part time by store, but it wasn't much money. Leo had the recommendations from teachers, some experience during his senior project; but he could only initially work on inputting information into a computer where he could type with his left hand. Eventually, he got some movement back in his right hand, but Leo doubted it would ever work properly again. Not to mention it hurt, the aches happened often with varying severity.  
But, still, the job paid enough that Leo could eat and afford his apartment. Over time he got a few small electronic things like a computer. He still had no real health care...and the studio apartment was old and had more problems than should have been worth it. It hadn't been his idea to live here long, just while going to school.  
  
It wasn't all bad though, Leo got along with a few coworkers fine. He stayed quiet, under the radar, he didn't go to events. Some part of him was always waiting for one of his cousins, or Santino to appear in the shadows. But, still, after enough time he had a few new friends and even eventually he ended up dating again.   
Most didn't go anywhere, but then he met _Her_. It lasted a few years. She was smart, funny, ignored how horrible his apartment was and the fact Leo had no car. Leo finally fell in love, and was able to be himself around her. After about two years of being together, Leo admitted he was attracted to women and men. Told her why his hand was fucked up, where those scars came from. She fully accepted him, happily accepted him.  
She died, after being struck by a stray bullet during a drive by.   
  
Leo stopped dating.   
  
But, now he was 27. It had been just about 10 years since graduation.  
  
Leo was left pondering old words. Hazel _had_ been right. He was a loser. He kind of always had been, but now it...was more evident. Internally, externally.   
But, now, Leo didn't want to be seen as a loser.   
Not by _Hazel_. He doubted she still remembered those words, but... she was the one hosting the reunion. She had to have been the one to okay inviting him. Surely…she was hoping to see him? To see what his life had become.   
  
Or maybe she had forgotten all about him, just a pebble along the way in her life.  
  
What kind of life had she gone on to live, Leo wondered, squeezing and stress ball in his bad hand.  
  
-  
  
“Look, I'm not saying you're wrong...I'm just saying....I don't care?” Nico offered, with a shrug. Frank scowled at him over the table. Hazel had popped into the ladies room, leaving Frank alone with Nico and Will.  
  
Will looked less convinced, “I don't know. Sounds kind of unhealthy.”  
  
Nico nursed a black coffee, “you're saying if you met a former bully right now...you wouldn't want to go up to him and say, 'hey look how well my life turned out'?”  
  
“I was taught the best revenge is to simply forget them. Not let them control your life anymore.”  
  
“I love you, but that's such sanctimonious bullshit.”  
  
Frank wanted to pull out his hair. “That isn't the issue here, Nico! This isn't randomly meeting someone you knew, this is spending a lot of money to stage an event so you might on the the off chance be able to show someone up.”  
  
Nico sighed, nodding slowly in acceptance. “You're right, Frank. You are, I just...This reunion was going to happen anyway. Just...Let her have her revenge.”  
  
“What if there _is_ no revenge?” Frank asked. “What if Valdez walks in with a beautiful wife, successful career, and a full head of perfectly healthy hair. How will Hazel react. Do you think it's going to be well? That someone like him did so well in life?”  
  
“No offense, Frank.” Will cut in, raising a hand to stop him. “I agree with you, but don't you think this is a conversation you should be having with Hazel, you know, your wife. Privately?”  
  
“Oh, he has.” They turned, Hazel stood there with an amused expression. “He's just trying to bring you in on Team Zhang.”  
She sat back down next to Frank, and took his hand easily. He sighed, long suffering, but adored her none the less.  
  
“You know, Will, I agree with you. Forgetting is the best policy.”  
  
“Ignoring the problem doesn't help the oppressed,” Hazel said pointedly, to which Nico nodded. They teamed up on Frank all the time in arguments, he wasn't sure why he thought this had been a good idea.  
  
“It's not igno- Hazel, It was ten years ago! If he starts something at the reunion, then fine, but we have no idea who Leo Valdez is anymore. Percy is friends with one of his bullies now, isn't he?”  
  
“Just had Clarisse and Chris over for dinner,” Will added, nodding.   
  
“He's not changed,” Hazel insisted, and Frank realized it was time to drop the issue again. Honestly, he thought she was right, Leo Valdez probably _hadn't_ changed, few did.   
Frank never told her, but a few years back, Frank had run into one of Valdez' relatives. They didn't interact, but Frank had seen enough, the man yelled at his wife, at his young kids. He wasn't a good man.   
  
But still, it wasn't Valdez that Frank was worried about. Frank could care less about Valdez. It was Hazel that worried him.  
  
  
-  
  
In a moment of desperation, Leo nabbed his laptop and pulled it into bed with him, and brought up Facebook. He didn't personally use it, but other people still did, right?  
  
Sure enough, he found Hazel Levesque.  
  
She was gorgeous, if public pictures were anything to go by. She had filled out in all the right ways and had a familiar look on her face that radiated confidence that dated back to their freshman years. Leo always liked that about Hazel.  
Her job title was some long official sounding nonsense that he had a hard time figuring out if it actually was important or not. But, he knew what a CFO was, and figured she must be doing fairly well for herself. None of that shocked him, the one thing Leo knew in life was that Hazel Levesque would go on to do great things.  
  
There were comments on some of her pictures and posts, faces and names that Leo knew. He went one by one down the list, seeing all the people he had once known.  
Piper was apparently, or had been, on some world touring trip. She'd become an anthropologist, whatever the hell that was.   
Jason was a school teacher, looking  all cute in glasses and a sweatervest.  
Will and Nico were a couple, and seemed quite happy and successful. Nico was a...mortician, which was odd but not shocking. Will, a doctor.  
Annabeth had seemed to be the head of an architectural firm that was doing well, no surprise there.   
Percy seemed to be a marine biologist intern that worked at the local aquarium. Wasn't much to go on for him, besides pictures of him holding up a baby turtle with a big grin.   
  
And then there was Frank.   
Leo couldn't honestly believe the big baby faced awkward guy he had known in school had become... _this_. He was words Leo didn't want to admit to. Leo knew he was bi, had for accepted that for a few years now; but being attracted to _Frank Zhang_ would have been far more than his poor soul could handle. The guy was built like The Mountain from Game of Thrones.   
  
Zhang was listed as a veterinarian; but where Leo was expecting dogs and cats, the pictures showed Frank at the local zoo and wildlife centers. He seemed to be working with very large very chompy animals. They looked small next to Frank though, with the exception of the brown bear.  
  
He was obviously still with Hazel, and in a very angry gross envious way…Leo was still a little happy for them. Bitter, but happy. They seemed to be married, judging by rings, but Leo saw no public wedding pictures.  
  
  
  
Leo needed to go to that reunion.  
  
He just.... needed to not look like what he looked like.  
  
The smear mark on his wall from a spider he had killed 3 weeks ago seemed to agree.  
  
  
  
  
  
“Our old highschool?” Frank stood in the parking lot, looking at familiar surroundings. “You couldn't have just rented out a normal venue?”  
  
“Nope,” Hazel grinned. “Plus, I have my reasons. I've been working with the school to get a new after school club funded.”  
  
That was the first Frank had heard of it. “What kind of club?”  
  
“Pride club. I'll be announcing it at the reunion. There'll be a big fundraiser for it during the reunion.”  
  
Frank laughed, and pulled her into a side hug. “You know, I have to admit, even when you want revenge, you still do it in a weirdly positive way. This, at least I can fully support.”  
  
  
  
  
  
It was a stupid thing to do and ultimately for a stupid reason, but right now? Leo didn’t much care.  
He got a credit card. One with a nightmarish high interest rate and all sorts of fees. He’d add it to the pile. He shouldn't have been able to get a credit card, but predatory lenders existed off of people like Leo. Desperate.  
  
First thing first, after reading up - according to many fashion blogs, the best way to a “new you” was to get a good haircut. Leo, though, was not going to do that. His hair had been brutally buzz cut short in school, anything longer than a centimeter was too _feminine_ for his family.   
  
But, his mom always liked his curls. Letting his hair grow out some was cathartic.  
So, skipping the cut, He'd have to make sure his hair was flawlessly styled instead. At the very least, he had damn good hair.  
  
Next step, clothing. That's basically where Leo dumped most of the money on his credit card. He decided to say fuck it and buy himself an entirely new wardrobe. The internet was a beautiful thing, and it became far too easy to dump large sums of money on Korean wholesale websites full of trendy clothing.   
Leo knew nothing about clothing or fashion, so he just bought close to what he saw models wearing instead.  
If it was popular enough to feature in the hit Korean drama, “ **이걸** **번역** **했니** **?** ” It was good enough for Leo.  
  
Then, came the rental. He couldn't show up without a car. A nice car was the epitome of, 'I'm doing really well in life, or at least my folks are loaded.'  
  
Next step…the reunion itself. He needed to not blow it. That...would likely be the most difficult part.   
  
But, Leo wanted to see them again. He wanted them to know he had changed.  
  
  
  
  
“Don’t you look nice?” Frank turned at the sound of Hazel’s voice. He had been tying his tie, but stopped very rapidly. Hazel looked like a dream, and Frank didn’t think he’d ever really get over it. They’d be 80 and he’d still be in awe of her.   
  
“Me?” He held out his hand to her, “I think you must not have seen yourself yet. You look like a queen.”  
  
She kissed him gently, smiling and looking down at herself. “You like it? The dress was made by a start up company. Women run, in Mumbai.”  
  
“Give them all of our money, they’re obviously geniuses.” Frank kissed her forehead, careful to not touch her makeup or hair.  
  
“You’re ready, then?” Hazel asked. “The reunion?”  
  
“I’m ready.” Frank didn’t know how the night would unfold, but there were some things he’d never question, and his loyalty to Hazel was one.  
  
  
  
  
The night of the reunion, Leo found himself sitting in his rental car, nearly having a panic attack. As he had virtually every day since he had gotten the message.  
The clothes he bought looked good on him, his whole outfit look good somehow. Leo didn't think he had the ability to pull off trendy anymore. The car was brilliant, a Mercedes that normally would have cost more than he made in a year. Fancy, but not too fancy. Well to do, but not obviously fake.  
  
 _But holy shit_ what the hell was he thinking, Leo leaned back against the seat. Everyone in that gymnasium was nearly guaranteed to hated him. Deeply.   
  
He could just drive away.   
Leave… and have bills to pay off for the rest of his life. Maybe he could just drive off a cliff. No, that was too far.  
  
Okay, deep breaths, existential crisis' will pass.   
  
No, Leo had to stay. He needed to prove to himself, to everyone else that he wasn't that same ignorant boy.   
  
So, Leo walked in, trying not to let his nerves show. He had to show confidence, swagger.  
His hand was a problem, it had been hurting, had hurt the whole drive over. But Leo couldn't let that show either. Showing pain in any high school environment was like asking for hyenas to eat you alive.  
  
“Name?” A girl asked at a table set up just outside. She looked vaguely familiar.  
  
“…Leo Valdez?” he answered, she looked mildly surprised but hid it well.   
  
“Oh, uh. Go in…uh, enjoy yourself! Um, I need to step out for a minute, excuse me.”  
The mystery girl left and darted into the gym even before Leo managed too. That didn't bode well.   
  
The gym was lit softly, with banners and seats and tables arranged to one side. There were obviously food and drinks, and a bunch of people all mingling. There was no theme besides formal, to which Leo was thankful  
Leo was pleased to see he didn't see any of his cousins, which boded well for his life expectancy. Leo had hoped they wouldn’t have been invited, or if so, wouldn’t want to attend.   
  
Leo walked in slowly enough, taking in the school. It looked the same, apart from a few new additions. It looked better, but it still made his stomach crawl. He noticed after a minute the same girl from the table a few feet away, speaking to a number of people.  
It was dark enough that it took Leo a moment to realize who they were.   
  
She glanced over, then scampered back outside. Well, this was it then. He could see the telltale shape of Frank, Jason, Piper, the others…except…  
  
“Leo Valdez,” the voice caught him off guard. Leo turned and came eye to eye with gold.   
  
  


 


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Highschool is just a blip on the radar, life is a lot bigger.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WARNING: This chapter makes references to religious based homophobia and intolerance.   
> This chapter makes reference to suicidal thoughts. 
> 
> If either of these subjects are particularly triggering to, or may trigger suicidal thoughts or idealization, please do not read. Your safety and well-being is far more important.

  
  


“…Hazel Levesque,” Leo acknowledged slowly. The world felt like it had stopped moving around him.  
  
“You look...well.”   
Hazel looked like she was appraising him. Her voice didn’t give away how she felt about that.  
  
Hazel, herself, on the other hand looked stunning; more beautiful than he could have imagined. Her hair was pulled up, with a braid acting like a crown atop her head. Part of the style seemed to be box braids, but her curls were visible too. Distinct, perfect, no fly aways and no frizz. Her dress too looked very expensive; long, softly flowing, and dark indigo. She wore it with gold jewelry to accent it, her eyes, and her skin tone. Perfect.  
  
“How have you been?”  
  
Stupidly, Leo hadn't thought of that particular question being asked. What he was doing, sure; but _how_? He was expecting to lie about his work, his income. Talking to inanimate objects was probably not high up on the list of appropriate responses.  
  
“Good,” Leo said nonchalantly. _Nailed it_. “Can't complain.”  
  
“We haven't seen many of your other friends, otherwise I'd point you to them.” Hazel had a smile on her face, but it seemed false. She was looking for something, a weakness.  
  
“Thank heaven for small favors.” Frank came up beside them, good _god_ he was big - who grows another foot _after_ high school. His suit was dark blue, with a delicate pattern to it. It was far more appealing than the basic black ill-fitted suits so many men seemed to be wearing. Frank's had to be custom tailored – Leo couldn't believe anyone made suits to that body shape. No one was built like that.  
The slow look Frank gave Leo upon walking up was obviously one that said, 'I can get you back for everything you ever did or said to me, but I chose not to because I am better than you.'  
Well, he wasn't wrong.   
  
“I'm not friends with them anymore,” Leo said lightly, hand twitching in his pocket.   
  
“Oh?” Hazel smiled, tilting her head. “Why is that?”  
  
Now what?  
  
“You know how it is, you get older and lose track of people.” Leo shrugged a shoulder. That was a bad move, it shot a lightning bolt of pain down to his hand. But, on the plus side Leo was pretty sure he pulled off the casual air.  
  
“Not really,” Hazel said simply, looking to her group of friends. “Life can get in the way, but when you really care about someone you find a way, anyway, to make time.”  
  
“Well, then, I suppose I didn't particularly care about them.” Leo smirked, and wanted to punch himself in the face repeatedly. Falling back into douchebag routine _wasn't_ helpful.   
  
“Weren't a few your relatives? Half Brothers or something?” A voiced asked between slugs of punch, not at all hiding their dislike of Leo's existence. It was Percy Jackson, and in tow was most the rest of their little group. They had noticed Hazel and Frank talking to Leo, and had come over.   
Percy was one of the few in the group that Leo had in the past actively avoided. Piper was another. Percy was one of those kids that had already been kicked out of a few schools and seemed 100% willing to throw down if he felt like you deserved it. Generally a relaxed guy, but while could push the buttons of someone like Frank, Hazel, or Jason; Percy wouldn't think twice about stepping in and clocking you in the face. He was loyal to the point it had Leo stepping back, knowing better. Piper, similarly, was well off enough, that she was on a don't-fuck-with list. Leo's cousins and 'friends' would poke fun, but it generally didn't go further than that.  
  
“...Cousins actually, but I can't say we were ever very alike.” Leo needed to hit that point home like a baseball out of the stadium. He wasn't _them_.  
  
“Really?” Leo looked back, feeling the air change around him. Hazel's expression was tight, and mildly terrifying in the gym lighting. “You seemed _just_ like them... I'm sure you'd love to see them again.”   
  
“You would be wrong,” Leo was treading in dangerous waters here.   
  
The lights dimmed suddenly, and the stage area in the gym was lit up. Hazel frowned, looking between it and Leo.   
“Ah, we'll have to continue this discussion later, Leo. I have an announcement to make.”  
  
“Oh, goody, I love speeches.” Leo drawled on autopilot, before the severity of the looks he got had him kicking himself. “I need punch.”  
  
“You need a punch, alright.” Percy shot back, unimpressed, but Leo was already gone with a wave.  
  


Leo scooted away as soon as possible, hating himself the entire time. Hazel and Frank were gone by the time he looked back, though the rest of the group was still loitering aways away. Talking between themselves, giving the occasional look Leo's direction.  
That hadn't gone well, but he still had the rest of the night, provided nothing else terrible happened.  
  
“Valdez!” A voice called, and Leo looked to see a few students he vaguely recognized from school. They weren't close friends back then, they didn't run together a ton, but they seemed to side with Leo's group more often than not. Not friends with people like Hazel, Frank, and Nico in other words.  
  
“Ah, hey...” Leo started feeling uncomfortable. These weren't who he wanted to reconnect with.   
  
“I barely recognized you,” Dylan Coffrey said, with a grin. “Your hair is a lot longer.”  
  
“Yeah,” Leo muttered. “Grew it out.”  
  
“Well, it's about time for a cut.” Dylan commented easily. “Looks pretty gay, man.”  
  


Leo clenched his jaw, but Dylan and a couple other guys just laughed. “I'm only joking, man. I'd think I know you better than that shit. What have you been up to? Wife get you to grow it out? They're never happy.” There was a murmuring of agreement, and one guy lifted his drink. Their wives weren't far off, but didn't seem to be paying much attention. What lovely successful relationships, complaining about the other and not wanting to spend time near each other.   
Leo thought back and remembered how happy he had been to be around the girl he loved, how she was his best friend. He couldn't understand these people.  
  
“No... Just working-” a voice over the speaker had Leo and the others looking up. Hazel was on stage, illuminated by soft lights of purple, blue, and gold.   
  
“Hello everyone, I'm so happy to see so many familiar faces.” Hazel beamed out at the audience, though Dylan scoffed.  
“We'll have plenty of events going tonight, there is plenty of food. A free bar, of course.” A man somewhere in the crowd cheered loudly, already sounding kind of drunk.  
“In between all of this, I just wanted everyone to know that there will also be a huge raffle at the end of the night! There's many wonderful prizes, but the ultimate prize is an all expenses paid vacation to New York City. You'll be going by private jet, and staying for 3 days in a luxury suite.”  
  
The crowd suddenly became very animated, talking to themselves.  
  
“Tickets for the raffle start at 10 dollars per ticket,” Hazel's expression turned sharp. It looked for a second as though she met Leo's eyes off in the dark background of the auditorium. “All proceeds will be going to a good cause. Your raffle ticket purchase will directly go towards funding a new club here at our very own alma mater!”  
  
A banner fell behind Hazel, and revealed colors and a bunch of letters. “Your donations will go towards creating a safe place for young LGBT+ students!”  
To her benefit, a good number of people clapped, and they weren't all people that had been friends with Hazel's group in school. Leo wasn't the only one to have a change of heart, and he imagined they didn't need a hammer to have it happen. Some in the crowd didn't look as though they cared much, but were still interested in the raffle.  
  
“Ugh,” Dylan rolled his eyes at the announcement. “I'm not homophobic, but why do they have to push this stuff into our schools? Like, these are kids. This whole _pride_ thing has gone way too far, it's not like they're even oppressed anymore.”  
  


Leo's eyes flickered down to his hand, as it gave a low thudding ache deep within ruined bones. He bit back the urge to say anything back to Dylan. There would always be a Dylan, unable to look past his own personal experiences.   
  
“...That raffle sounds cool though,” another guy said to a mumbling of agreement. “Private jet, like seriously?”  
  


“Yeah, I heard Levesque is loaded.” Leo raised an eyebrow at that, he remembered her profile said something about being a CFO, but he had no idea about her income.  
  
“Really?” Leo asked, looking only at Hazel on the stage. Well, she did look like a million bucks, made sense.  
  
“Yeah, works for some giant something or other, my brother in law works for a firm that worked with them.” A guy said, taking a swig of punch. “Her group has built buildings and shit all over LA and San Fran. From what I've heard, she's probably raking in some pretty big 6 digit monthly income.”  
  
Dylan laughed, and clapped Leo on his shoulder. “That must make your skin crawl right? She was such an entitled bitch in high school.”  
  
“No,” Leo said sharply, and pushed away from Dylan. “I'm happy for her. Excuse me.”  
Leo turned and walked away while the guys talked between themselves. He moved towards the furthest back corner of the auditorium, where a door let into a hallway connecting to the rest of the school. Dylan said something to him, but Leo ignored him.   
  
Hazel was still on stage, telling folks were to go to donate for the raffle. It was an online contest, apparently. One of those Do-Good charity donation places, like Omaze. It seemed like a large amount of people were pulling out their phones or other devices, following Hazel's instructions. She went on to talk about the formation of the club, the goals they had, the students that would benefit; Hazel discussed statistics and data, she covered peoples personal stories. The crowd seemed invested.  
A large screen came up under the Pride banner, which immediately began to display the donation amount, and number of entries. It was adding up pretty fast.  
  
  
Leo'd barely gotten out of the auditorium, when a voice called to him. Piper McLean was lounging around, holding a stack of papers. She had apparently broken off from the rest of the group when Hazel went on stage. He had noticed before, but now it was obvious; her hair was short, which was unusual. Last time he had seen her, she had long hair and braids.  
  
“I grow my hair, you cut yours.” Leo said, before Piper could say anything.  
  


“My grandmother passed away a few months ago. Mourning tradition.” She said simply, looking unperturbed by the comment. Then again, Piper was one of the people who rarely took much shit from Leo.  
  


“So, didn't like the announcement?” Piper asked after a minute, noticing from where Leo had come from, a fake smile on her face. “ _Shocking_. I'm sure Hazel will be upset to see you missing. You're not actually leaving are you?”  
  
“Just wanted to get away from Dylan C breathing down my neck,” Leo shrugged. “I'm not leaving.”  
  


“Well, you do look so _cute_ now, with the hair and the outfit. He probably couldn't help himself.” Piper teased. “You're like a little elf.”  
  
“Really?” Leo rolled his eyes. “See, here I was trying to look like Jason fucking Momoa. Can't you tell from all this muscle, baby?”  
Leo lifted his good arm, and flexed what little muscle he had. “Welcome to the gun show. Population 0.”  
  


Piper snickered, pushing off the wall. “You can be funny from time to time, I forgot that. Self deprecating, though... that's new.”  
  
The corner of Leo's mouth twitched, the mood shifting. “Yeah, well...it's been a long time, McLean.”  
  


“No girlfriend or wife, Valdez? Someone tame you down?” Piper was not shrewd, she didn’t beat around the bush. Leo had expected that line of questioning, but as he opened his mouth to respond, any lie he had felt gross.  
  
“No, uh...I had a fiance, Summer...but, uh, she passed away a few years ago.”  
  
“I’m sorry,” Piper said, looking actually apologetic. “How?”  
  
“Stray bullet, made the news. Just walking home from the corner store, had a late night craving.” Leo took his turn to lean against the wall on the other side of the hallway. “She was a good person. Really good. We were together about 2 years.”  
  
“You and a good person? That doesn't sound like the Valdez I know.” Leo agreed on that much at least. “So, are you still an asshole, or what?” Piper cut in, and Leo snorted.  
  
“Am I still an asshole?”  
  
“You know, given you made peoples lives hell for like four years,” Piper shrugged. “I know it's been a long time, but I think there's a pool going. I'm personally in team 'you're still and asshole, but it's more contained since your cousins aren't around'.”  
  
Leo opened his mouth and closed it. This, was a lot more blatant than he had been expecting.   
  
“Nothing to say?”  
  
“What are the other teams?” Leo had a wry smile, but asked in honest curiosity, and Piper hummed in thought.  
  
“Well, the popular option was asshole that got older, fatter, in an unhappy marriage.”  
  


Leo nodded, “well, there's your problem. Bold of you to assume I can gain weight. I'm basically a hummingbird”  
  


Piper looked like she was fighting the urge to smile. “'Became less of an asshole but denies ever doing anything wrong' was as big hit. Will thought you'd end up showing up on the arm of some hot guy. You know the whole, I'm an a bully because I'm in denial trope. So, Leo Valdez: Are you still an asshole?”  
  
“Oh, I'm still an asshole.” That was the wrong thing to say, the relaxed look on Piper's face started to slide off. “But, you're all wrong too. So, I'd guess none of you would win your betting pool.”  
  
“How so?” Piper tilted her head, curiously.   
  
“Well,” Leo paused, thinking on Will's idea. “One of you was _closer_ than the others, but overall...” Leo said. “I need to check on something. I'll see you later, McLean.” Leo started to make his way down the hallway, towards the bathrooms.  
  
“You're not running away, are you?” Piper called out.   
  


“Not this time,” Leo responded.  
  
What Leo needed to check was the balance on his cards, and his checking account.   
He was already going to be in debt for the remainder of his miserable life, might as well do something positive for once.  
Leo didn't care about the raffle prizes, not at all, instead it was some small way of making up for some of the things he had done.  
  
A few minutes later, after donating a few hundred dollars to Hazel's school charity, Leo walked out of the bathroom and crashed directly into a body.  
  
“Leo?”  
  
Leo looked up in slow horror at his cousin. “ _Raph_.”  
  


  
  
  


As soon as she was done with the announcement, Hazel went back to scanning the crowd looking for someone in particular.  
“Great job, Hazel.” Frank smiled, pulling her into an embrace and leaning down to kiss the side of her cheek. “Look at how much money you've already raised!”  
  
The number on the board continued to go up incrementally. They'd already passed two thousand dollars, barely before Hazel was even done speaking. A few hundred people all donating added up fast. What was 10, 20, 50$ in the face of a luxury trip to New York?  
Of course, Hazel had already entirely funded the club – but any additional money would be going towards fun things and trips for the students that would end up going the new Pride club. Additionally, Hazel donated quite a bit of money to the school district to help emphasize better education in regards to inequality.   
She had the privilege of earning a good amount of money, but was set on making use of it in the best ways possible. Her investments were in public betterment programs, companies that she felt like actually had a soul. She donated, she paid taxes and then some. But, she couldn't do it alone, raising awareness for clubs like these meant that some of these people might become more aware of lack of places or resources for LGBT+ students in their own kids schools.  
  
“Right...” Hazel said, looking at the back of the auditorium. She didn't see Valdez anywhere. Had he left as soon as the club was announced? That didn't feel like the victory she wanted.  
  
“...Hazel?” Frank waved a hand in front of her face.  
  
“He's not here,” Piper said, slinking up to their group. “You're looking for Leo, right?”  
  


“He was with Dylan's group last we saw,” Jason commented. “But, I think he left around the time Hazel got up on stage.”  
  
“Coward,” Nico snorted over one of his drinks.  
  
“I talked to him briefly,” Piper grabbed the drink in Jason's hands out, and took a swig. “I don't think he was planning on leaving because of just that. He didn't seem particularly bothered by it. If anything, he seemed more annoyed with Dylan than anything.”  
  
Hazel felt mild relief, and wasn't sure why. Though, at the same time, it raised many more questions. Why would Leo Valdez be annoyed with someone like Dylan Coffrey? Dylan was kind of an asshole in school, but he didn't want to get in trouble with teachers and wasn't smart enough to avoid them. That was one of those dangerous things about Valdez, over the rest of the bullies and assholes in school. He _was_ actually intelligent. Good grades, knew when and where to talk, what and what not to do.  
  


“Hey, there's a new wrinkle.” Will had been getting more drinks, but walked up looking now slightly worried. Nico took the drink without asking for an explanation, regardless of still having one. “I just saw Raphael and Carlos Hernandez.” Will explained, pointedly.  
  
Leo's cousins were here. Hazel felt anxious, she wanted to see the reactions.  
  
People began to come up to talk to Hazel and Frank, students they knew and only vaguely knew. Some asked questions about the contest, some talked about how impressed they were with the club. A few were stories.  
“I used to think gay people were weird until my brother came out.” Kinds of stories.  
“My best friend in college came out as transgender, and I realized I had a lot to learn.” Kinds of stories.  
“I realized I wasn't straight.” Kinds of stories.   
  
Some were individuals that wanted nothing to do with anyone Hazel knew while in school.   
  


“People change,” Frank said simply. “Or, maybe they just don't know who they really are yet, in school. They're still children, after all.”  
  


But none of these people were like Leo Valdez, or his cousins in the Hernandez family. They never went out of their way to attack, to hate, to be violent. Ten years wouldn't change that. It couldn't.  
  


They lost track of time, talking to so many former class and schoolmates. Until, out of the corner of her eye, Hazel spotted one Raphael Hernandez walking across the auditorium, and out of the building towards the parking lot. He didn't look happy, and shot Hazel's group a nasty look just briefly.  
  


“Where are Leo and Carlos?” Frank muttered, having seemingly picked up on the same thing.  
  
  
  


 

Leo coughed, spluttering from where Raphael had shoved his head under the sink. It really did feel like high school all over again, except now Leo was on the receiving end. His dark rusty outer jacket was mostly soaked, his white undershirt was definitely soaked, and mildly see through. Good look at the beach, mildly worrisome in a school bathroom. You never wanted to see someone covered in liquid in a bathroom.  
At least it wasn't a swirly.  
  
“What, are we 13 years old?” Leo shoved away, the water dripping down his face made his glaring at Raphael somewhat less effective. “Here I thought we were grown ass adults. Love to see you've proved that wrong.”  
  
“Had to check. At least we know you're not wearing makeup.” Raphael laughed, ignoring the insult, grabbing Leo back up by the back of the collar. “Hard to tell, since you look bitch otherwise.”  
  
Raphael in the last ten years had slowly morphed into a Santino clone, which brought back worse memories. Carlos, on the other hand, was bulky, but looked a bit more like Rosa. Not particularly good looking, but there was a familiar resemblance to Leo's eyes and to Esperanza's eyes that made it hard. It was worse as a kid, seeing the eyes of his mother looking back at him with none of the love. But, Carlos was hanging back now, looking uncertain. He wasn't stopping Raphael, but he didn't look like he wanted to join in either.  
  
“Weird, I'm not the one attacking family, _pinche pend_ -” Raphael slammed Leo back against the wall, which was easy given Leo was a good foot shorter, and more than half as wide.  
  
“Don't pretend you didn't shit all over our family, Leo. You went against everything we stand for, what's right-”  
  


Leo laughed, and stared him dead in the eyes. “What _you_ stood for. Not what my mother stood for.”  
  


“You're going against God, Leo. You still have time to repent, though.”  
  


“Don't pretend you're Christian now, Raphael.” Leo shoved backwards, and Raphael let him go for once. “You're just using religion as an excuse to be a dickbag. I was forced into the same Sunday schools as you, surely you remember 'turn the other cheek.'” Raphael said nothing. “You don't know anything about me. You never did.”  
  
“You used to be like us,” Raphael said firmly, his face contorted into anger. Leo laughed.  
  


“I _had_ to be, Rafa. I had to be to survive you.” Leo had always had a tendency to assign nicknames, and the use of Raphael's had the other man pausing just briefly, before looking at Leo in disdain.  
  


“Don't act like we made you do anything. We gave you a home. My parents raised you, we treated you like a brother. You're the one who walked away from that, Leo.”  
  
“You have a very warped memory of our childhood.” Leo laughed at the absurdity of the statement. “Tia didn't even want to take me in originally, she called me _devil spawn_. Shit on me, on my mom, because I didn't have a dad. And you, you destroyed anything I ever made. You say I'm the one that rejected you?” Leo asked plainly. “I tried, Raphael. I tried to be like you. But, I'm not. I'm never going to be. But, even that. That would be okay. We can be different, and be family.”  
  
Raphael looked like he was thinking it over, he glanced at Carlos who looked away. “You never said anything.”  
  


“Yeah, you're right.” Leo admitted, but he hadn't known he should have at that age. “But, man, we can move past this. We're adults. It's been ten years, Rafa. But, I can't be around you if you don't accept me. If you...don't accept I'm bisexual.”  
  


Raphael didn't have to think about that long, he simply socked Leo good in the nose, and Leo stumbled backwards. “Then I guess we're _not_ family. I don't want you around my kids, it's disgusting. You're disgusting. You can't force me to accept sin. Mom was right about you.”  
  
Raphael stormed out of the bathroom, and Leo had a feeling he'd likely never see him again. Honestly, he was amazed it hadn't ended in more violence. Last time he'd seen family, well, his hand didn't work anymore.  
But, still... More family gone. Even if they hated him, it hurt. Even if he hated them, it hurt. Even after all these years, feeling as though he had no one to turn to. It hurt.  
  
Leo looked up slowly at Carlos, who hadn't moved to follow Raphael. Wiping blood off of his face, Leo got back up. He always had to be the one to get back up, no one would ever offer him a hand. Leo learned that long ago.  
  
“Carlito,” Leo said softly. “You going to go get back up? Again? Meno or Nacho hanging around?”  
  
The idea of Emiliano (Meno) or Ignacio (Nacho, worse of the familiar nicknames) just waiting to beat the shit out of Leo was not a pleasant one. He had no idea of Raphael was gone for good, or would be coming back.  
Leo had a vivid flash of Carlos hanging behind Santino all those years ago.  
  
“I remember more than Raphael. Better...than Raphael.” Carlos started, looking nervous. “I remember... that you never really smiled, unless you were showing me how something worked. Or, when I drew something at school...You know, you were the only one I showed it to; because you were the only one who ever said anything about it. I thought I was doing the right thing, Leo. That I was helping you. That's what my mom said, that it would help you. She told me to tell her if I saw anything, I think she suspected something...I don't know what.” Leo could have guessed that much, even if she hadn't suspected him of being gay, or bi, Rosa always thought Leo was up to something.  
  
Carlos continued, his voice more sure. “But, Leo, I...should have never said anything to my father back then. I'm sorry.”  
  


A rush of emotions hit Leo like a truck, and he struggled to keep his eyes clear. His hand hurt, it hurt _because_ of Carlos. It hurt because Carlos told Santino.   
But, Carlos had been stuck in the same family Leo had. They'd both gone along with what they thought had been normal, what was supposed to be. Carlos had been brought up being taught that way, and how was he supposed to know differently so young. He wasn't even in highschool yet when it happened, had just become a freshman. Rosa and Santino limited a lot of internet access, they didn't have normal cellphones, with the exception of Leo who found away around their crude barriers and parental codes.  
  


“I went to college, you know.” Carlos admitted, looking away. “I didn't have to run the shop with Dad... I met a lot of people. It took a long time, a couple years, but...I had really good friends. I am sorry, Leo. I...I just wanted to tell you that.” Leo didn't know what to say, didn't know how to feel. “But, I really don't think you should ever contact us again.'  
Leo clenched his jaw so his chin wouldn't shake, and looked down at the ground. “I might not have an issue with you, but I don't know what they'll do. I don't want you to get killed, and I don't want my brothers or parents going to jail. I'm sorry...I just. I wish it could be different. Goodbye.”  
Carlos shook his head, sparing one last look at Leo, before turning and walking out of the bathroom.   
  
Leo stayed there for a number of minutes, back against the wall. His brain was both moving too fast, and not fast enough. The door opened again, and Leo half expected to see Santino walk in, or one of his other cousins.  
  
It was Frank Zhang, who very quickly took in the state of Leo's clothes, and his bloodied nose.  
  
“Family, right?” Leo joked lamely, as the other man came over and grabbed Leo's chin to turn his face a few times, getting a better look at the damage.  
  


“I'm not going to pretend to know what just happened, or even pretend to like you as a human being, Valdez.” Frank said simply, and Leo tried to laugh, but pain in his nose was starting to set in. “But, I feel the need to remind you that you're an adult. You were just assaulted. You can press charges.”  
  
“Mi caballero,” Leo said with false sweetness. “If I wanted to press charges against the Hernandez' I would have done so 10 years ago.” Leo grabbed Frank's hand away from his face. “And, really, it's none of your business, Zhang. It's fine.”   
  
“Really? Because it looks like you were just assaulted during an event my wife is hosting.” Leo rolled his eyes so hard they nearly fell into the back of his skull. Ah. So, that was it.  
  


“You already admitted you don't give a shit about me. Raphael left, didn't he? Your event is _safe_. Don't worry.” Realization had already sunk in, Leo couldn't stay any longer. Everything was ruined. “I'll leave through another exit, so as to not embarrass the _wifey_.” Leo tried to leave, but was grabbed backwards again.   
“I'm getting really tired of guys thrice my size grabbing me, I gotta be honest.”   
Shocking really, Leo thought he liked bigger dudes.  
  


“ _What?”_ Frank stared at him, but said nothing. “Seriously, what?”  
  
“What happened with you, Valdez?”  
  
“What hasn't?” Leo snapped back. “My turn. Let's drop pretenses: Why did Hazel want me here? For revenge? To see if I'd become some pathetic piece of shit?”  
  
Frank said nothing, but his expression gave it away well enough. “Well, congratulate her for me. She's right. My life sucks, and my only remaining family hates me. Now, let go of me; that's my bad arm, and it really fucking hurts.”  
Frank faltered, glancing down, which allowed Leo to pulled his arm away and shove it into his pocket.  
  
Leo leveled him with a look (or rather, looked up about a foot and a half, and then leveled him with a look.)  
“Goodbye, Frank Zhang. Have a good life. Don't expect to see me at the 20 year reunion.”  
  
  


Leo left, going out of a back entrance. He couldn't stay, his clothes were wet and gross, his face was a mess. Everything had been ruined.  
He drove home, barely thinking. Everything felt numb. Leo felt 18 again. Being at the school, seeing Raphael again. Seeing everyone there again. It wasn't cathartic like he thought it would be. There was no relief. It just triggered emotions inside him Leo had tried to repress for years. When Leo left those years ago, he eventually got to a point where he felt like he had a new opportunity in life, to reclaim the things he wanted. It didn't turn out that way. He still hated himself. That voice inside him that he tried to ignore, that suggested terrible things life not worth living. It was quieter, in recent years, but tonight it returned like the plague.  
  
  
  
  
“He _left_?” Hazel looked like she was battling numerous emotions. Anger, defeat. Something else entirely.  
  


Frank nodded, taking a drink. “Yeah, he uh. It looked like there was some kind of...disagreement between him and Raphael in particular.”  
  


“What kind of disagreement?” Nico asked, looking highly annoyed. “Who gets to commit the first hate crime? That kind of disagreement? Just tell them to pull straws.”  
  


“The kind that left Leo looking beat up,” Frank said, to the surprise of the group. “He didn't say much of anything to me before he left, but it didn't sound...Like Valdez.”  
  
“That's strange,” Piper frowned. “He didn't sound like he wanted to leave earlier. But, you're right. When I talked to him he didn't really sound exactly like when we knew him either. Still sharp, but...different.”  
  


“Valdez never really got personally involved in fights, right? He just stayed back, kept his image. I'm guessing he wouldn't want to see everyone he used to know, having obviously lost the fight.” Percy stated, to a few nods and hums of the group pondering. “Oh well. Good riddance.”  
  
“I guess the question now is just...Why now? Who changed, and who didn't?” Jason asked, and Will nodded in agreement.  
  


“I'm inclined to think Leo changed, and is avoiding the rest of his family.” A ding sounded, but the majority of the group ignored it, still talking.  
  
“I don't know, he didn't seem particularly apologetic. I mean, he spoke to us, but that's a pretty low bar.” Nico countered.   
  


“Yeah, he still seemed like-”  
  


“Leo Valdez,” Hazel said, cutting into the conversation. If her face could have gone white, it would have. If the gates of hell could have opened up, they would have. Frank started to say something, but she cut him off and held up her phone.  
  
“ _Leo Valdez_ won the raffle.”

 

  
  
Leo stared up at his ceiling, his hair wet from the squeaky shower this time. He'd promised Summer years ago that he'd never do anything drastic without reaching out to someone first. She'd helped his depression significantly at the time, and after she died, he kept himself going with a 'what would she have wanted' mindset. It was dumb, but it was something to keep him going.   
Leo didn't intend on breaking that promise. But, at the same time, it was hard for him to imagine continuing his life as it was. Wake up, go to work, come home, fuck around online, or watch TV. Rinse, Lather. Repeat.   
  
“I have no reason to stay alive,” Leo said to no one, it sounded worse than it was. Years back, a coworker pointed out Leo had a tendency to turn into a robot when he got upset. But, in a weird way, it helped him figure things out. He needed to methodically work through a problem. It wasn't a cure for depression, but it helped. “But...Do I have a reason to die?”  
  
“On a moral level, I probably caused depression, maybe even suicidal thoughts in other teenagers in school,” Leo fit that into the cons category. “But, I was also in an abusive environment. But, does that excuse it?”  
Leo looked to a toy dragon on the windowsill. “Probably not, it fits into a wiggle room category, right?”  
  


“I don't have a job I enjoy,” cons. “But, I haven't searched for other work either.” pros. “But, I'm disabled and what's the chance I find something?” cons. “There are programs for disabled workers though, and I've never contacted any.” maybe a pro? “Why haven't I contacted anyone or ever asked for help in regards to work?”  
  


Leo got quiet at that realization. “Because I don't think I deserve it...Okay, let's...sideline that for a minute.”  
  
Leo remembered what Carlos had said, that Leo only seemed happy when he was showing how something worked. “But, I can't become an engineer with my hand fucked up.” con. “But, I've also never actually tried, and I still get by okay making some stuff here...”  
  
The room said nothing. “So, I can't establish a reasonable reason to die, I don't think I'm a monster otherwise I wouldn't regret my actions, and there are plenty of people living with chronic illness and injury that live full lives. So, the question becomes...what are my reasons to live?”  
  
He looked out the window, into the city, at the stars. An ugly, beautiful, disgusting mess of a universe.   
  
“I was wrong, wasn't I?” Leo sighed. “I used the reunion as an excuse, because it was easy, but I _want_ to be better. I want to build, not destroy. I stopped destroying, but I've not done much building.”  
  
He thought about Hazel, Frank, the school, the kids. Leo wanted a chance to add something of worth to the planet, even if the universe would continue on spinning for billions of years and would long forget about humanity. Leo was miserable, his childhood had been miserable. He didn't want other kids to feel the same.   
“I'll contact Hazel, and tell her everything.” Leo said firmly. He needed to explain, he needed to actually apologize to her, to everyone he knew. Leo knew they might not accept his apology, but they didn't have to forgive him. No one had to forgive him, he just wanted them to know.  
  


Leo's phone began to buzz next to his thigh. It was nearly midnight, and Leo had very few people in his life that would call him ever, let alone at midnight.  
  
“Uh, hello?”  
  
“ _Leo Valdez_?” A familiar voice said. One from his dreams.  
  
“Hazel?” Leo asked, brows furrowed. “That's weird, I was just- wait, why are you calling me?”  
  


“ _You won_ ,” Her voice did NOT sound happy.   
  


“...I won? What?” Leo looked around his apartment. Definitely not the lottery- wait, the raffle.”The raffle?” Leo asked astonished.  
  


“ _Yes_ ,” Hazel said tersely. “ _Congratulations, Valdez. You've won a trip to New York. Can you come to my office tomorrow to discuss details of your...prize_.”  
  


“Yes,” Leo answered immediately. “Yes, absolutely. Actually. I, uh, need to talk to you anyway.”  
  


“ _I'll send you the details. I can't wait to talk to you_.” That sounded like a threat. She hung up nearly immediately.  
  


“Oh my god.” Leo looked back at the ceiling, half expecting Jesus to float down from the sky to high five him. All those years going to a Catholic church had messed up his brain a little. “Is this a dream?”  
No, hand still hurt.  
  
“Shit, should I be turned on?”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You know what I look at when I'm depressed or otherwise need to just entirely distract myself? Like, what my little 'trick' is for my own mental health? The Hubble Ultra Deep Field image. It's *essentially* this picture from a tiny tiny fraction of the sky. Itty bitty. Like, one 26th millionth of the sky. And in this tiny little piece of space, the hubble telescope (with months long exposure) captured around 10,000 visible galaxies. Not stars, entire galaxies.   
> So, that's what I look at. We're on one planet on one arm of one galaxy, and we're in a universe where there could be trillions of galaxies. full of stars, full of planets. 
> 
> Also as an end note, I've met wonderful people of every religion who are accepting and loving. When I was 13, I attended an event at my cities capitol where a priest, a rabbi, and an imam all spoke out in favor of LGBT+ people and marriage.   
> Similarly, I've met dicks of every religion, and dicks of every lack of religion.  
> Regardless of your belief, if you're struggling, there are people out there who love you and accept you and will not hurt you or try to shame you into changing. Don't listen to dicks. 
> 
> PS: Leo's cousins family name being hernandez was based entirely on my hate of hernan cortez and nothing more.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> More memories, and Leo tries to talk to Hazel.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey, nearing the later part of the chapter, there's more in depth discussions of sexual preferences, aspects of bdsm, poly (which, you're reading a threesome so...) etc.   
> As with last chapter, with mentions of suicide, we're dealing with folks who are dealing with a lot of built up emotions, past trauma and resent.   
> If any of that bothers you, might not be the story for you. (I rarely ever write explicit anything, I more...dance around explicit content. ....because I'm not good at it.)
> 
> But still, mature content, fair warning.

  
  
  
  
Frank was sitting on a bench in the locker room, shoulders pulled forward as he stared down at the concrete floor. His mind was having trouble processing everything around him, but only in moments like these. When he was by himself, when the world was quiet around him, it became harder to escape the things inside his mind.   
He wanted to lie and say it was just sadness, depression, but something deeper and darker was red-hot and furious.   
  
“Aw, the fatass is still here. Can’t reach your shoelaces?” A voice jeered, as the door to the lockers swung open. Frank looked up slowly, emotionlessly, at the sound. Three of his schoolmates had walked in, the speaker having been Ignacio Hernandez, his brother Raphael, and their cousin Leo Valdez.  
It was strong words, while Frank was by no means slim, but neither were Ignacio or Raphael; and Frank had the benefit of being taller than either.  
“Why you here, tubs? Shouldn't you be in class?” Ignacio asked, walking to his own locker, and pulling out a shirt.  
  
Frank continued to say nothing, but slowly turned to take in the biggest threat, which was ironically the smallest of the group. Leo Valdez was leaning against a back locker, arms crossed. He was waiting, watching. Thinking.  
  
“Haven't you heard, güey?” Raphael grinned as a few other guys made their way into the locker room. Gym would be starting for a few, some were friendly with the Hernandez', some just didn't care. “He's all mopey because his _mommy_ died. Got herself blown up or some shit, because Canada lets bitches into the military.”  
  
Frank just happened to catch the corner of Leo’s mouth tic downwards into a slight frown. That was a worrying sign of trouble. Valdez had a way with words, that cut a lot deeper than general ‘fat’ comments his cousins made. If he were to pick up on a serious weakness of Frank’s…well, it wouldn’t be good. Someone would end up with a black eye, and probably not Valdez. It was very rarely Valdez.

Ignacio looked surprised, before laughing shortly. “Seriously? Man up, Zhang. Fuckin' pathetic, hiding like a pussy? If you want to bitch and cry, the girls locker room is across the hallway.”  
  
Raphael joined in, snorting. “Maybe you'll actually grow some balls now, at least your mom was a soldier. You’re just some lardass crying in school.”  
  
Frank slowly stood, all the anger in his body becoming centered. If shit was going to go down, Frank wasn’t going to back away from it.  
But, he didn't have time to do or say anything.   
  
“Rafa, Nacho.”  
A cold voice cut in first, and everyone in the locker room stopped what they were doing. Ignacio and Raphael turned to look at Leo's voice, with smiles that quickly died off their face. Deep down, they feared Leo. No one entirely knew why, but it was an undeniable fact. There were theories he had blackmail on them, but no one knew for sure.  
  
In the dim lights of the men’s locker room, shadows from fluorescent bulbs flickering cast across Valdez' face. The combination of oddly sharp ears, higher cheek bones on an otherwise round impish face, and the shadows cast by his eyelashes made Leo Valdez look nearly otherworldly. But he was no angel. He generally wore similar clothes to his cousins, a mix of current skater of more popular hip-hop inspired fashion, however his were always a bit darker.   
He had a dark red t-shirt on, that in the dark of the room looked bloody. Often, Leo would sit in class or lunch flicking a metal lighter on and off, and for some reason never got in trouble for it, or had it away from teachers eyes by the time they turned around.   
The fire suited his appearance. He looked like a demon.   
Maybe their fear of him was well placed.  
  
“Really?” Valdez had only said that much, names and a single word, but it had been enough. His voice wasn’t particularly high, or deep; it was a fairly neutral tone, with just a bit of an accent you wouldn’t be able to put your finger on. Nothing that would normally strike fear into someone’s heart.  
Raphael and Ignacio looked suddenly frozen. Leo had similarly been looking down at the ground up until that point, and slowly turned his gaze upwards. But, not to look at Frank, to look to his cousins. In these lights, his eyes looked big and black.    
  
“That's-” Ignacio started, standing straighter. “You know that’s not- Come on, it’s just-”  
  
Valdez tilted his head just slightly, and that was enough to put everyone in the room on edge, Frank included. He was by far the smallest person the entire school, apart from a small handful of younger girls - yet every single one of the teenage boys in the locker room looked like they were waiting for a bomb to go off.   
  
“Yes?” Valdez pushed slowly off the wall and took a step towards his cousins. “It’s just… you think it's funny? Don’t you? You were laughing at him, weren’t you?”  
  
Frank was momentarily confused, never once had Leo Valdez ever defended him against anything his cousins had said. In fact, Leo Valdez was usually the one instigating and pushing them towards action. Frank felt like he had lost an important part of the equation.  
  
“Not- No, Leo- It's not like that.” Raphael said. “Chill out, it's just Zhang.”  
  
Leo Valdez smiled, wide and full of teeth, but it never met his eyes. His smiles never did. “You think it's funny to make fun of someone whose mom died?”  
  
And then it clicked, and Frank watched as a few other guys in the room made the same connection. One guy mouthed _'oh shit_ ' to himself, and Frank _felt_ that emotion strongly. Valdez didn’t give a shit about Frank, what happened was Raphael and Ignacio kicked a hornets nest.  
  
“No…I-” Ignacio said resolutely, looking away. “Look, I'm going to gym.” He pushed past and out of the room quickly. Raphael was always slightly more prone to confrontations, and looked torn, and increasingly angry.  
  
“You know it's not the same, Leo. He's just some-”  
  
“Raphael,” Valdez smiled pleasantly, and a shiver went down Frank’s spine. Why was he so threatening? It didn’t make sense, it never did, it never would. “ _Leave_.”  
  
Raphael may have wanted to fight it, but he gave in with a huff and a glare in Frank's direction.   
  
With the Hernandez brothers gone, the rest of the room seemed to breathe slightly easier, and other students started talking to one another casually again.   
Frank however, hadn't looked away from Valdez.   
Leo Valdez took a step closer and looked as though he was going to take another but thought better of it. He was directly under a light. It was odd, under everything, Valdez was nearly everything his family mocked. Slim, somewhat feminine in facial features. His hands were very nearly delicate, with no visible callouses, no signs of hard labor. He’d be almost attractive if Frank didn't want so desperately to bash his face into the cement on a nearly daily basis.  
  
“I'm sorry, Frank.” Leo Valdez said very softly, and Frank nearly didn't believe he had heard it. “I'm sorry about your mother.”  
  
Frank woke up moments later. The dream was a memory, one he never really mentioned to Hazel, or anyone else.  
It was hard to explain. It wasn't like Frank had suddenly forgave Leo, or that Leo had stopped being an asshole. He bullied and picked on Frank's friends just as much as he always did; though maybe only notably to a few did he avoid Frank. For a time.  
Raphael, Ignacio, Emiliano, their friends, they did not so much. The day Leo turned his attentions back to Frank was a few weeks later, as he watched Frank's fist go directly into Emiliano's nose.   
Frank remembered turned and seeing Leo's alligator grin, excited expression and sharp laughter.  That was the end of whatever peace had been between them; whatever mutual understanding they had ended.  
  
An alarm beeped, and Frank stared up at the ceiling.  At least he hadn’t woken himself up too long before he needed to get up anyway.  
He rolled over in bed, to find Hazel's spot empty. She hadn't slept well, unsurprisingly. The idea of awarding Leo Valdez anything was morally repugnant to her. It was a tough pill to swallow.  
  
Frank thought back on walking in on Leo Valdez last night at the reunion, looking broken and lost. It was more emotion on his face than Frank had seen during their entire 4 years of high school together. Leo Valdez would smile, laugh, get annoyed, but it always felt only skin deep. His eyes were either hollow, or like he was piecing something together in his mind. The Leo Valdez of last night looked _different_. There was a strange sense of power, and intrigue that came from it.   
Not really attraction, though Frank knew his tastes leaned towards brown skin, brown to gold eyes, and curly hair. Picturing Leo Valdez looking up at him, lip reddened and split and nose bleeding, stuck wet hair curling across his face… there was some sense of _vindication_. This (admittedly) pretty boy, alone and looking lost, was the same bully Frank had known for years.  
  
But, Leo Valdez’ true ugliness had never been truly visible. It remained to be seen how far he’d changed, if he had. But, undeniably, something had shifted.  
  
All of this was strange, but Frank felt like he was processing it significantly better than his wife was.  
  
  
  
  
  
The next morning Leo awoke to a buzz on his phone, a text message. Contact details, address. Leo had all of around an hour to get there by the time Hazel had specified; which meant he found himself leaping into a freezing cold shower, trying to chug a yogurt unsuccessfully, ripping a paddle brush through his hair, and tossing on some clothes. He still had the rental car until noon, so there was at least that; and his wardrobe was still new, so Leo didn't look half bad. Except for the messy curls and black eye and reddened nose from yesterday.   
  
The building Hazel had requested to meet in was in the middle of downtown, in a big old high-rise. Leo suddenly felt underdressed, walking past individuals in perfectly pressed suits. He just had on a low-profile windbreaker, t-shirt with some trendy nonsense on it, skinny blue jeans, and loafers. Leo wasn't thrilled about the whole skinny jeans thing; but when in Rome. Half of Leo’s old clothes were the same from school, stuck in the year 2007.   
  
A doorman buzzed Leo up to the front desk, where a woman sat with a headset on actively hitting buttons and typing into a computer.  
  
“Name?” She didn't bother looking up.  
  
“Valdez. Leo Valdez. I'm here to-”

 “Ms. Levesque is expecting you.” Leo stifled a small laugh, it all felt a bit like that shit series he watched with Summer years back while drunk, _Thirty Hues of Beige_ , or whatever.  
The woman, still not looking up, pointed towards an older looking elevator. Renovated of course, but it looked very old San Francisco.   
“39 is your stop. Please wait to be seen once you arrive.”  
  
“They don't pay you enough,” Leo said cheerily, walking towards the lift.  
  
“No, they do not,” was all she said in response.  


Leo entered to lift, punched a button, and leaned back against the wall.  He felt nervous, but also weirdly excited. At the reunion, he just wanted them to see he wasn't like the rest of his family – but it wasn’t enough. Today, Leo had a chance to be more than that. Being given the chance to talk one on one with Hazel was just what he needed.  
  
…Provided she'd listen to him.  
  
The bell dinged, and the doors opened. Leo walked up to yet another desk with a person behind it. A young man sat behind this desk, and unlike the woman downstairs, looked at Leo with fairly clear contempt.  
  
“ _You_ must be Leo Valdez,” the man said. Mitchell, his name tag read.   
  
“How’d you know? I mean, I’d say the one and only…but seeing how my people are taking over slowly but surely…” Leo shrugged a shoulder with a small smile.   
  
“And who _are_ your people exactly?” Leo turned, and met eyes with Hazel. Hazel with her arms crossed, looking particularly displeased. There was no feigned politeness this go around.  
  
“…Who exactly are you expecting me to say?” Leo countered; eyebrow raised. Hazel wasn't stupid, she knew he was Mexican-American.   
  
“Any number of right leaning, alt-right, men's activist type organizations?” Hazel said lightly, and Mitchell shot Leo a glare.   
  
“Yeah,” Leo said dryly. “They're well known for their love of brown people and chicano. Are we going to talk, or are you going to just glare at me in a hallway all day?”  
  
Hazel bristled but waved her hand to have Leo follow her into a large office overlooking the city. “I told him to expect an evil latino Keebler elf, by the way.”   
Leo chuckled in spite of himself, following her. Wasn’t the first time he’d heard that, unfortunately enough. One of his few friends, Caly, called him a tiny hobgoblin.  
  
“Nice place,” Leo said, sitting in a very nice ornate chair, and glancing around at the decorations. Hazel too, looked nice. She never really looked bad, even in school. Different than the elegant look from the event, this was more chic business woman Hazel. It was a good look on her, the blazer, the trousers, the _heels_.   
Hazel, when she first started as a freshman at their high school had been briefly shorter than Leo; though her hair added a good 4 inches when it wasn’t braided or tied back. Halfway through the year, they were the same height, and by the time they graduated their respective years, she was taller. She, and her brother were both tall by their senior year, but next to people like Frank and Jason, they seemed average height.  
But, now, Hazel being 5’11 standing next to 5’2 Leo was a drastic difference; especially now, when she added to that with two inch heels. She’d probably made the choice purposely, to look bigger and intimidating. Kind of like an animal puffing itself up. Unbeknownst to her, Leo found it _stupidly_ hot. Like, ‘ _please step on me_ ’ hot.  
  
“Most of the decorations, furniture, artwork are primarily donated pieces, or from my or Frank's family. We try to avoid needless spending, when it could otherwise go to helping those in need.” Hazel gestured to the artwork around the room, and sounded nearly prerecorded, like it was a discussion she'd had before.  
  
Leo hummed. It did look nice. It wasn’t like some old white guys stuffy brown and leather office, it had whites and dark blues, gold accents that reminded Leo of her dress from the night before. There was a plush rug, and comfortable looking sleek black chairs. Clean, but not sterile, classy, yet not dated.  
  
“Rich bleeding heart humanitarian. Here I thought that was an oxymoron, or something out of a comic book.”   
  
“A misconception in firms such as mine is that our money is liquid, that we have loose spending money. In reality… a vast amount of our wealth is from investments, stocks, etc. We might be a multimillion-dollar company, but that doesn’t mean we have personal access to those funds.” Leo raised an eyebrow, as though he knew the meaning of anything the woman was saying. Money management was clearly not Leo’s forte, otherwise he wouldn’t have driven here in a rented Mercedes.   
“My group is personally involved in creating and funding charity groups targeting inequality, mental health, etc; and our employees and interns are paid living wages, rather than minimum wage set by the state. My family is wealthy, they came from old money, which I'm sure you remember from school. If the question is, am I doing enough? Probably not, but we're trying.”  
Hazel leaned back in her chair, looking relaxed, though there was a gleam to her eye that made Leo feel as though he was sitting in front of a predator.  
  
“You had that speech cocked and ready to go, didn't you? You know, Hazel, I wasn't questioning anything,” Leo said, holding a hand up. “If there was one thing, I knew about you, it was that you were always trying to help people.”  
  
Hazel leaned forward, appraising Leo. “And you didn't like that, did you?”  
  
“No,” Leo admitted, with a small nod. “I didn't.”   
  
No one ever helped Leo, no one had cared about Leo. People like Hazel did _so_ much, but never for people like Leo. When he was younger, that had been a sore point, but as he got older, Leo realized he’d never asked for help either.

No one was a mind reader.  
It was still a hard habit to break. Leo had gotten used to only ever relying on himself for everything, he never really thought he needed to ask for help. While he loved his mother deeply, she often worked long hours, and Leo learned how to cook for himself very young. Now, with his hand, Leo was the one who had to bandage it, Leo was the one who had to learn how to do things without it.  
  
“Past tense?” Hazel asked, with a raised eyebrow and hands folded in front of her on the table. Even her fingernails looked fancy.  
  
“Past tense,” Leo agreed, crossing his own legs, attempting to look casual while mirroring her behavior. Learning how to mirror mannerisms was a psychological trick to tell the other person you were similar, on the same page. “Why do you think I got my face bashed in at the reunion?”  
  
Hazel took half a second to take in the injuries on Leo’s face. “I couldn't possibly begin to figure out how your brain works.”   
  
A smile ticked up the edge of Leo's mouth. He always had liked Hazel. “This is exactly why I wanted to talk to you, Hazel. We really didn’t have the chance before, last night.”   
  
“Oh? Why was that, again?” She asked, voice suddenly growing much darker. “You want a heart to heart? It isn't because you want your luxury vacation?”  
  
“No, I don't. I don't want it.” Leo said plainly, and Hazel finally stopped and looked slightly baffled.  
  
“ _What_?”  
  
“I don't want the vacation, Hazel. I don't...want a reward. You and Frank, go yourselves. Or take one of the kids from the club you're making at the school. I'm saying _I don't want it_.”  
  
Hazel blinked repeatedly and looked like she was working on a particularly hard math problem. “You...don't want to go to New York?” Leo shook his head. “I see...”  
Leo exhaled slowly, but realized her expression had gotten more closed off.  
“You're so insulted to be given anything by _me_ , by what I do, that even a free gift you'd spit on?”  
  
Leo faltered, and shook his head. “What- no, that's not.”  
  
“No, I see exactly how it is.” Hazel stood suddenly, and Leo tried met her stance. He was trying to avoid hostilities, but this wasn’t going as planned. “You're _exactly_ the same.”  
  
“You're twisting my words-”  
  
Hazel let out a bark of laughter. “And you'd know everything about that, wouldn't you?”  
  
“You're right, Hazel. I do. I get it, okay. Hate me until the day you die, I probably fucking deserve it. I made a lot of wrong choices in my life, I'm not defending it! I’m trying _not_ to be that! Which is why I don't want your _fucking vacation_!” Leo's voice was growing louder, and Hazel rounded her desk, not looking afraid. She looked like a lioness, about ready to rip out Leo's throat.  
  
“How _dare_ you yell at me.”  
  
Leo wanted to rip his hair out. “Are you listening to a single thing I've said?! Holy shit, woman!”  
  
“I listened to what you said for 4 solid years!” Hazel hissed back, her voice never getting louder. She was a lot like her brother in those regards. When they were angry and quiet, that was when you were actually in trouble. “I have it burned into my mind!”  
  
“Ten years ago! Ten years, Hazel!” Leo pinched the bridge of his nose. Hazel leaned against her desk. She looked like Leo had, all those years ago, waiting for someone else to ruin themselves while she let it happen. However, there was a fury in her eyes Leo never had.  
“You don't know anything about me, now. And honestly, you never did.”  
  
Hazel opened her mouth to respond, but Leo shook his head. “Name one personal thing about me, Hazel. My favorite...anything? You never saw anything more than a mask.”  
The truth was, Leo had barely known who he was then, the mask he had built for himself had been so convincing.  
  
She didn't say anything for a moment, crossing her legs against the desk. Regardless of having a darker skin tone than Leo's, her eyes were much lighter, a bright gold that had always been a piercing contrast.   
“Maybe you’re right…but, I wonder.” Hazel started softly, coldly. “What kind of person could put up _that_ convincing of a mask? What kind of person could look past what they were doing and saying? Because, you know what wasn't fake? The hurt you caused. The people you injured. What _you_ did. That was real. When my friends or when my brother cried, or came up soaking wet, or with a black eye…That was _real_.”  
  
A muscle in Leo's jaw twitched as he fought the urge to clench his teeth together. He turned away briefly, running a shaking hand through his hair; he was aware Hazel's eyes never left him once, analyzing every little movement he made. He’d never felt so thrown off balance.  
  
“You're not…wrong,” Leo acknowledged, hating the way his voice cracked slightly. “I never...said I was a good person. I’m not saying I didn’t hurt people. But, I'm _trying_ to be better, honest to God, Hazel.. That's the _point_. That’s why...I can't take your vacation. That's taking your money, your foundations money; it’s taking money from the people you're _helping_. Because,” Leo's voice was starting to get shaky, even he realized it. Hazel's eyebrows lowered slightly, and she began to look slightly less defensive.   
“Because, that's what _you_ do, that's what you always did. And...the most _I_ can do right now is not _prevent_ that. Okay? I can't. I'm trying, gearhead, I really am.” The childhood nickname had Hazel shutting her eyes, hurt clear, but she wasn’t fighting back yet either. When they opened, Hazel was clearly still guarded, but some of that rage had been tempered.  
  
“It's already booked in your name,” a voice called out, and Leo turned around to see Frank leaned against an open door. He hadn't even heard him come in. Why was he _so_ big, yet so quiet.  
  
“We _could_ change things around, but it would cost more money. If it makes you feel better...It's not something her firm bought, it was a donation from the jet company, the hotel, etc. That would be another issue, canceling would be like Hazel turning down their offer. Investments into clean energy benefiting air travel, that sort of thing? Not something you’d want to lose.” Frank asked, but Hazel hadn't budged or looked away from Leo even in the slightest.  
  
“Wait. You're...saying I'm being _forced_ to go on a luxury vacation to New York?” Leo asked slowly, hands shaking just slightly, and Frank shrugged and walked forward into the room. It was an intimidating sight, even with Frank in scrubs. Leo had never hinted at it when they were in school, he couldn’t, but even baby faced Frank intimidated Leo. It was the same reason Leo unsettled a lot of people, the smart bully – Frank was the nice big chubby guy, who was also wicked smart. Also, Frank was always big. And, had a wicked right hook.   
  
“If you feel bad about it, follow through on what you just said.” Frank said, and Leo frowned. “You want to be _better_? You want to feel like you're paying people back for this vacation, for whatever guilt you might be feeling? Volunteer at some events. She hosts a lot. You can at least bus tables right?”  
  
Leo bit his lip, which stung slightly, and shook his head. “I would, I can do somethings…but, bus tables…maybe not...so much. Carrying things gets problematic with my, uh, disability.” Leo didn’t really like admitting he was disabled, disabilities weren’t looked upon well by Rosa and Santino.

 “You're _disabled_?” Hazel bit out, looking nearly angry with herself. Her organization helped a good number of disabled individuals. In any way identifying _Leo Valdez_ with those people hurt her image of the man. Leo, to Hazel, represented everything Other. The Other side of things. He was _always_ the antagonist, never the victim.  
  
 Leo held up his hand, pulling back his sleeve. It was a network of light scars, his fingers weren't healed right, a few were constantly slightly curled. Holding it up like this, there was generally a slight tremor.  
“Couldn't see a doctor, couldn't afford it. Don't work real good.”  
  
“How?” Hazel asked quietly, and Leo smiled sadly.  
  
“Trying to gauge if I deserved it? I didn't. Not then. I'm sure I did for plenty of other things, which you can attest to.”  
  
“Is that what you meant when you said you would have pressed charges ten years ago...” Frank asked a look of realization on his face, walking up to Leo, and after a short pause, Frank grabbed Leo’s hand and gingerly looking it over.   
Smart boy, Leo thought to himself. Frank must have realized it was one of the Hernandez’ that had injured Leo then too, after the comment Leo made at the reunion.  
  
It was a weird sensation, his hand being held. Leo had small hands, like the rest of his body. Elvish, his mom had said. Frank had big hands, rough hands, like a bear. Leo had only ever dated women, only slept with women, only held girl’s hands before. It was an entirely new sensation.  
It was unfairly attractive, though Leo didn't want to admit that when Hazel already probably wanted to gut him like a trout. ‘ _Hey, you know how I shit on your boyfriend for 4 years, because I had a crush on you? Can I suck on his fingers_?’ Probably wouldn’t go over well.  
  
“Sorry,” Leo muttered. “For snapping at you, last night.” He should have added, ‘in general, for everything I've ever done’. But it was hard, it was too much too fast.  
  
Frank had a quirk of a smile on his face, like an in joke only he knew. “I've only heard you say that once before, do you remember? After my mom died?” Leo nodded, and Hazel frowned and looked to Frank for explanation. That could wait until later.  
“I'm a veterinary surgeon, so I'm no expert or anything for humans...But, I have a pretty good indication you likely have some permanent damage here, but... seeing a doctor now, they could definitely do minor surgery to help a _lot_ of this. Plus, physical therapy could help regain some mobility.”  
  
“Still. Can't afford it,” Leo said with a shrug, looking at his hand in Frank's still. God, if he was a woman, he'd be needing to change his underwear. Thankfully, his jacket covered his crotch somewhat. It started with Hazel in heels, and this was just the cherry on top.  
  
“I have no money, I think all my dollars went into the reunion.” And the donation.  
  
Frank looked him up and down. _Fuck,_ why was Frank fucking Zhang so attractive _._ “You dress well enough.”  
  
“Couldn't decide what to wear for the reunion, bought a lot. Have you heard of debt, Frank?”  
Frank sent him a wry smile. Frank obviously still didn't like him, but he was significantly more willing to give Leo a chance to prove himself. Which, was odd, because Leo targeted Frank far more than Hazel in school. Leo had honestly disliked Frank for a good long time, because Hazel liked Frank.  
  
“It's next week,” Hazel cut in, obviously glaring at Leo's hand in Frank's palm. “The trip is next week. Friday, 2pm. Be here. We'll drive you to the jet.”  
  
“I could get an Uber.” Leo frowned. Why would they be there?   
  
“Oh,” Hazel smiled finally, and Leo felt a growing feeling of doom. “I didn't mention we'll be on the trip too?”  
  
Leo's mind went blank. At least that took care of his problem down south. “ _What_?”  
  
“On the trip? Well, I have to go over every little way your donation is going to help our schools pride club, and of course tell you more about what our firm does. So, we'll be going with you, to act as your guides. You'll have your own room in the shared suite, of course. It should be a lot of fun, three days alone with just us.”  
  
 Leo's brain seemingly died at some point in there, because the last thing he remembered was Hazel saying, ' _See you there_ ' before he was standing in his apartment building.  
  
  
  
  
The thing about Frank and Hazel that worked well was the fact they were very open and comfortable talking about their sexualities and preferences.   
Frank was bi, Hazel was pan, they’d known that since high school. Hazel was deep down a romantic at heart, she was very soft and sweet. She was cuddly, she enjoyed being close. Curling up on the couch together was a very key ideal moment for Hazel. She was an amazing girlfriend, and wife.   
  
However, when it came specifically to sex, she was often the opposite, very...controlling. Not always, and sometimes it didn’t have to even be sexual, rather more of an emotional side of things.  
  
Frank was nowhere _near_ submissive, but if she wanted to take the lead some nights, he wasn't going to say no. If she wanted to tell him what to do, when to do it, and grab his hair, he wasn’t going to complain. Frank's personal tastes were more he wanted to lay back and have someone ride his cock, or suck it. He _liked_ being the big soft protector guy, Frank enjoyed the effect he had on people realizing just _how_ big he was. Growing up his body size often was a source of insecurity, but Frank embraced it as he got older. Of course it helped he lost some of his facial baby fat, and gained more muscle, but he would never be thin. (Piper called it a dad-bod, but that was a source of debate in their friend group. Percy called him an Asian lumberjack, Nico called him The Mountain, Jason and Annabeth thankfully just called him Frank.)  
Either way, there were times Hazel really truly wanted to _dominate_ someone, and often not Frank. In fact, generally what she wanted, she didn’t want with Frank. Frank was her partner. Hazel wanted her partner by her side, with her in every way, and she wanted someone else _under_ her.  
  
She'd spent so much of her life taking care of other people, helping people, that Hazel wanted to sometimes just...let loose, be rough. It took her awhile to notice it, to talk about it with Frank. It was admittedly odd at first. They had a lot of long conversations about sex, relationships, polyamory, kinks, BDSM, the whole shebang. So, in their early twenties, they decided to talk about occasionally bringing in another partner, just for sex. Frank found he really wasn’t as opposed as he thought he should have been, his girlfriend sleeping with someone else, but they were always together. It was like something she wanted to share with him, and it felt special in a way to him.  
  
It started mostly with women and seeing Hazel completely and totally dominate a pretty girl was always a turn on. That’s when she first started experimenting with toys, strap-ons. Hazel telling Frank what she wanted him to do to the girl was definitely a turn on; but eventually it became men Hazel was shoving toys into, and it took on a new dimension. Frank fully embraced his own bisexuality, but he’d only slept with women so far, up until he was about 22. Men, were different. In a good way.  
 Hazel had always had a 'type', throughout it all; usually slim and small men and women, though increasingly it became almost only men. Frank had learned some but wasn’t fully into some of the BDSM culture, he didn’t know all the terminology, but Hazel usually picked some type of submissive men; usually guys from BDSM apps or groups that wanted to get fucked by both Frank and Hazel.   
  
Frank never complained, even if it was a bit impersonal for his tastes.  
   
Frank had never thought a lot about it, until now.   
  
They got home after Hazel was done with work, after that meeting with Valdez. Hazel suggested some play time. Frank, shrugging, agreed to it; he wasn't going to say no to (hopefully) good sex, and Hazel was in a _mood_. She was tense and angry, she needed _her_ kind of stress relief.   
  
Frank had never really thought about it, until the guy arrived.  
He was maybe 21, slim with not much in the way of bodyhair, with light brown skin, eyes and wavy hair.   
  
“I want you to finger him,” Hazel whispered, kissing the back of Frank’s hand and fingers. “Until he cries.”  
  
It sort of sunk in all at once, in a very weird an uncomfortable way. Frank stared down at the booty call on their bed, naked, and waiting.   
  
This guy…was a stand in _Leo Valdez_.  
  
The mental image wouldn't leave his head, and Frank only halfheartedly did what Hazel wanted. He really didn't look much like Valdez, but then, looking for Valdez traits in the guy he was finger fucking became even more awkward. Frank remembered the look Hazel had given him for essentially holding Valdez’ hand, to look over the injuries earlier that day. She had mentioned it after, in passing, how she didn’t understand how Frank could touch him.  
 And now, she was making Frank _use_ his hands.   
Eventually, Frank had to let Hazel take over. She looked mildly disappointed but carried on anyway. The dildo she used was probably edging on too big, maybe even painful for the guy. Frank didn’t think their _guest_ ever came.  
When she was done, she nearly immediately kicked the guy out. The guy had agreed beforehand to it, had safe words; it wasn’t like Hazel was a monster, he probably got what he wanted too, but it still felt a bit off for Hazel specifically.   
  
It wasn’t exactly her usual style, even as a Domina.  
It was misplaced anger, frustration, and confusion.   
  
Frank felt almost guilty for not realizing earlier some of her deep-seated issues, regarding specifically Leo Valdez.  
  
Leo Valdez had been hell to grow up with, but he was _far_ from the only asshole they knew. He wasn’t the one that beat them up or give them shit; even then, he never used racial slurs, that was other students, other guys, and other people they met over time. Hazel going into primarily white male dominated fields led to a lot of unfortunate characters she had met over time, in college and early on in work and internships. Frank remembered one skinny blonde asshole Hazel nearly skewered in her senior year in college.  
Leo Valdez was just a prominent figure from high school. He was different, sure, Frank would be the first to admit that something was always different about Valdez. It was hard to put a finger on what exactly, like his accent, but maybe the fact it always felt more calculated instead of some deep rooted hate.   
  
But something about him stuck with Hazel more than anyone else.  
  
As Hazel happily flopped back in bed, naked chest heaving with deep breaths, Frank couldn't get the idea out of his mind.   
  
There was a very real possibility Hazel wanted to _fuck_ Leo Valdez. And maybe, she had wanted to long before the reunion. Maybe it was part of the reason she had been so focused on the reunion in the first place. He doubted she realized it herself.  
  
This was very different, and very worrisome if they were stuck in closed quarters. Especially when later, she packed up some things for the trip, including a handful of her favorite toys.   
‘Maybe there will be cute boys and girls in New York?’ Hazel had offered flippantly when Frank asked why.   
  
Frank needed to talk to someone. …Unfortunately for them, probably Nico and Will.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, so. I'm...very asexual. But, for some stories, I will watch or look up porn, this is one such story. (regardless of the fact I rarely write anything explicit) Let's face facts, this story is in no way realistic, but...I mean, I do try to get some minor details close to okay. I've also read shit on dedicated bdsm, femdom, etc groups. It's why I decided on calling Hazel a domina, (latin, it works)  
> So, long story short. I stumbled across a (gay) latino pornstar named Leo, with curly black hair. and it was kind of. Weird??? It was sort of...uncanny valley of porn. A bit too close to how I'd picture fictional Leo. 
> 
> ...Anyway, I've actually been writing on this story for a few days, so there'll be a couple chapters before I fuck off back to my other stories


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hazel sees Leo, does some soul searching, and the trip begins

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I told you I'd be back sooner rather than later. 
> 
> Same general warnings, mentions of bullying, abuse, self hate, sex, etc etc.  
> But, for what it's worth, this is slightly more positive than the last few.

“I know that this is kind of an…awkward conversation.” Frank said, sitting down at the kitchen table in his brother-in-laws loft. The chairs were always a bit small for Frank. Will poured him a cup of coffee, which he took happily.  
He’d not gotten much sleep after _that_ revelation.  
“I’m sorry, I know you’d probably rather _not_ hear about our sex lives.”  
  
“No,” Nico said in monotone. “What could ever give you that idea? I love hearing about my sisters sex life.”  
  
“What’s up?” Will asked, sitting down with his own cup. “You’re not usually the one to talk to us about this stuff. Usually it’s Hazel or filtered through one of the girls.”  
  
“Well, it’s…” Frank sighed, and ran a hand through his short-cropped hair. “You know how we were talking about the reunion before? That I felt like Hazel was a bit too…revenge focused? Specifically, _Valdez_ revenge focused? I thought she was edging on an unhealthy obsession.”  
The two men nodded, and Frank swallowed hard. There were some things you couldn’t really un-say.

  
“You know how Hazel and I…occasionally bring in another person, another partner?” They nodded again, Nico with a very small frown. “I think sometimes… for Hazel, they’re a stand in for Valdez.”  
  
Nico blanched, and wrinkled his nose in disgust. Will’s eyebrows disappeared into his hair.  
  
“Why in hell would-“ Nico started, but Frank shook his head.  
  
“Valdez went to Hazel’s office yesterday, to talk about the whole vacation thing. When I got there, they were already arguing, which wasn’t shocking, but I got the gist of it. Valdez didn’t _want_ the vacation, hadn’t wanted to win the raffle at all. Yeah, Yeah, I know.” Frank interrupted what he was saying, at the surprised looks on Nico and Will’s faces.  
“Hazel took it as Valdez saying he didn’t want anything to do with her company and what it stood for – but what Valdez was actually saying was…essentially he felt guilty for taking funds that could be used for other people. He didn’t think he deserved it. He was apologetic, sort of. Not super explicitly, but it was not the Leo Valdez from ten years ago. He’d have never passed up the chance to lord something over her like this, to make her waste money and resources on himself…”  
  
“So,” Will nodded slowly, chewing on his thumbnail. “That explains why his cousin hit him, then? He had a change of heart, they didn’t take it super well?”  
  
“I mean, as much as I can gather…probably?” Frank shrugged, picturing Valdez snapping at him in the high school men’s restroom. ‘ _That’s my bad arm_ ,’ he had said.

“It’s not like we had a long heart to heart about it. I got the impression they fell out, hard. Valdez was injured in the past, pretty badly. I’m guessing by one of his cousins. If I had to wager, I’d guess Raphael. He always had the biggest temper, and he seemed pissed last night.”  
  
“Damnit,” Nico grumbled. “I bet Will was right. He was in the closet and in denial. They probably caught him sucki-” Will shot Nico a look. “….They probably caught him with a guy.”  
  
“Don’t know,” Frank admitted with a sigh. “The bigger issue was how Hazel reacted after that. She was quiet for most of the day after that, but I could tell she was internally working it out. Processing what he had said. I didn’t think much of it, I understand it even. If your bully comes up and apologizes, what do you do; completely forgive them? I’m not blaming Hazel for being conflicted. I don’t think she _has_ to forgive him, not really. I’ve tried to move past it, for myself, but Valdez has always been good at being _conflicting_. But this sort of holding onto it so deeply is…strange. I thought so before the reunion, even though I never said anything much about it…”  
  
“If Valdez, or anyone else that gave us shit told me ‘ _sorry_ ’, I wouldn’t give a shit what they say, I want to see actions not words.” Nico said resolutely, and Will made a sort of ‘mehh’ expression.  
  
“I feel like…apologizing is an action, to some extent, but I do agree. Actions speak louder sometimes. It’s easy for people to say, oh, I’m pro-gay people, I just don’t want to see or hear anything about them. Dylan was always that type, I’m sure he’d say he was sorry for using a slur but turn around and support folks that hate us.”  
  
“I agree,” Frank nodded. “As did Valdez, apparently, because he agreed to help with Hazel’s foundation in the future, for free. Since we couldn’t really cancel vacation as it was already booked in his name when he won automatically, not without causing more problems; it seemed like Valdez was actually guilty. He said, paraphrasing here, that he didn’t want to use money that could go to other people. So, he seemed amenable to volunteering, paying it back.”

Granted, Frank was fully aware this particular vacation was worth an astounding amount of money, and simple volunteer work probably wouldn’t come close to covering it. But still, this was Leo Valdez they were talking about. Frank _not_ ending a conversation with Valdez by getting spit on was an improvement.  
  
“Maybe he turned religious, or is in AA, something like that?” Will suggested. “Making amends, apologizing, is a big thing with some of the support groups in our hospital.”  
  
“I’m still saying…if he shows up with some hot dude as his boyfriend, I’m going to be _so_ angry.” Nico shook his head. “I will never hear the end of it.”  
Will looked like he agreed and mouthed ‘ _probably_.’

Nico sounded relaxed, nearly joking, but Frank guessed there was a deeper level to it that bothered his brother in law.  
Nico had often been at the forefront of very homophobic comments. He spent a good deal of their high school years very depressed, even with supportive friends and family. 

If Leo Valdez was gay, bi, anything besides straight, it would similarly bring up very torn emotions. Maybe some form of sympathy, but ultimately likely a sense of ‘how could you have done this, when I’m like you.’

If Valdez wasn’t straight, regardless of what he felt personally at the time, Hazel was right – it didn’t change the hurt he caused.  
  
“So, you can see why Hazel was…conflicted. I understood, I know it takes her longer sometimes, she’s very methodical about things like this. So, I was just going to let her…figure it out herself, be there if she needed to talk, that sort of thing.” Frank thought back to Hazel staring off into space or chewing on her thumbnail.  
“And then…last night happened. She’d been quiet, and then suddenly, she was asking me if we wanted to have some fun.”  
  
“Gross,” Nico muttered.  
  
Frank rolled his eyes and continued. He’d walked in on Nico in compromising positions before, so his brother in law had no room to talk.  
“So, the guy she contacted on this app shows up and…he’s probably latino, maybe mixed ancestry? Shorter than us, slim, tan, curly hair…And Hazel, well, you know some of her tastes, right? She was rough on him. _Really_ rough. Not normal Hazel behavior, even as a domme.”  
Frank didn’t really have to spell out the rest. Nico looked slightly green. He knew some of his sisters preferences, knew she was involved in aspects of bdsm, but this was not something he ever wanted to picture.  
  
“So, you’re saying…she was angry and stressed out, and purposely picked someone who vaguely resembled Valdez to take her frustrations out on? But…sexually?” Will asked slowly, and Frank agreed, partly. “Yeah, I mean…that’s kind of weird. Sort of a…hate-sex realm?”  
  
“The thing is,” Frank started awkwardly, thinking back over the years. “The more I think about it…that’s _usually_ the kind of person she picks. Hair isn’t as big of an issue, if it’s dark brown to black. I couldn’t tell you the last time we slept with a …redhead, or blonde? They’re generally small, not just slim but shorter than average. I know we’re both taller than average, but they’re all usually under 5’8. Medium skin tone, generally not white, big brown eyes? You get what I’m saying. That’s 90% of who she picks, male or female. For around…7 years now?”  
  
Nico and Will began to process what Frank was saying and looked to be between multiple states of opinion.  
  
“…What do _you_ think?” Will asked finally, realizing the heart of the issue and looking to Frank. “Do you really want our opinion or are you just asking us to confirm what you already think?  
  
“I think…” Frank slowly, licking his chapped lower lip. “It’s possible, on some level… _very_ deep down, Hazel had or _has_ feelings for Valdez. Maybe 99% of them were extremely negative, but she was always very fixated on him and him specifically." Frank thought back over the years.

"Raphael or Dylan, or any other asshole says something? Hazel looked to Valdez. Someone on the news does something terrible? Hazel says something about Valdez. Trump gets elected, Hazel tells me she bets Valdez voted for him." Will and Nico looked about as doubtful about that as Frank did. It wasn't impossible, but Frank assumed Leo was more the type to not vote at all.

" Even years after we’ve seen him. She keeps her yearbooks pristine, looks at them occasionally, and will always point out Valdez. Something about him that she hates. His clothes, his ears come up pretty often, something he said once.”  
  
“I mean, you’re not wrong…” Nico actually looked uncomfortable, which was odd for the man. “It was the same when we were living together. There were two people she talked about the most. You, and Valdez.”  
  
“He’s not really…ugly?” Will said with a shrug, feeling awkward about the idea of complimenting a former school bully. “He was always kind of…”  
  
“A twink?” Nico asked, and got another look from Will. “What? I can say twink. I’m legally allowed to. I didn’t say I _wasn’t_ one then, either. Then I got my god-given Italian right to body hair eventually, so leave me alone.” Will rolled his eyes.  
  
“It’s just so outdated.”  
  
“I’m old Will. We’re old and not hip.”

“Speak for yourself. I’m very hip.”

“Hip people don’t say they’re hip, that’s part of being hip.”  
  
“Anyway,” Frank said more loudly than he needed to. Something was going on with Will and Nico too, it seemed. “He’s not a stereotypically cartoonish villain, he never was, we all knew it. He wasn’t stupid, he wasn’t wealthy, he wasn’t some backwaters hick yelling slurs, he wasn’t big, he wasn’t ugly. And, now with his hair grown out, even being a decade older than we last saw him, he looks…”  
  
“Like a twink? Stop glaring at me!” Nico turned to hiss at Will. “What, is _otter_ hipper now? Solace, I swear-“  
  
“He’s not an otter, Nico, he doesn’t-“  
  
“He looks like the reason I’m worried we’ll be alone together on a vacation, when Hazel _packed sex toys_.” Frank explained, cutting into the very odd argument, and suddenly Will and Nico wore simultaneous sympathetic (and mildly disturbed) expressions.

“So…Should I talk to her about it? Beforehand?”  
  
“I…really have no idea. What do you think she might do if you don’t?”

Frank shook his head, he had no idea. He could picture a few scenarios. Hazel punching Valdez in the nose seemed plausible. Hazel becoming increasingly paranoid around Valdez, well, that seemed like she was halfway there. Hazel becoming depressed if Valdez did turn out to still be just as big of an asshole.  
Then there were the more extreme ones. Ones left better as a scene to play out, not something you’d want to actually happen without consent.  
  
Nico said something in Italian, which Frank didn’t understand, but got the general message of.  It wasn't good.

Frank really just hoped things wouldn’t escalate. But, there were other issues to address right now.  
  
“…So what’s going on with,“ Frank gestured at the two of them. “Will, I’ve heard you say nearly a paragraph of almost entirely swear words, and now you don’t want Nico saying _twink_? What’s going on?”  
  
“We…” Will and Nico exchanged a knowing look. “Might…be thinking about adopting?”  
  
“Solace is going into How To Talk Around a Kid mode-“ Frank had enveloped the two in a bearhug before they could continue.

He was going to be an uncle.

 

  
  
  
The door chimed, and Leo called out with his regular greeting without looking up. “Hello and welcome to Jiffy Lube, may I Lube your Jiff today?”  
Leo was the only one in the shop today. And…most days.  
  
He heard a click clack of heels, before a shadow fell over him, and Leo looked up to meet golden eyes.  
“Hello, _Leo_.” Hazel smiled in feigned politeness. “I like your overalls.”  
  
Leo looked down at the loose-fitting grey-blue overalls he was wearing behind the counter. They were stained with oil, dirt, and coffee. His hair was pulled back with an elastic, creating a short poofball of curly hair behind his head. His ears were very prominent, which Hazel’s eyes seemed to stop on.  
  
“Did you look up where I work?” Leo asked plainly, annoyed more with himself than anything. But, then again, that was his life.  
  
“I did,” Hazel’s smile hadn’t left her face. It had taken Hazel a while. This was not the first time she had looked up Leo Valdez before. It was a stroke of luck that she found his phone number before the reunion, (and a private investigator). “I wanted to personally give you a packet of information regarding your trip.”  
  
“Bullshit. You wanted to snoop where I work,” Leo rolled his eyes, and grabbed the paperwork she slid onto the counter.

‘ _Flying for the first time_!’ ‘ _Paperwork You’ll Need_!’ ‘ _What to Pack Before You Go_!’

“I’ve flown before, I don’t need these.” Plus, he only owned about five things, so who cared.

“Oh?” Hazel asked, seeming honestly curious. “When?”  
  
“I’m from Houston, Texas. I was flown to California when I was 8, after I was orphaned.”

Leo rested his chin in his hand and took the chance to look Hazel over. She looked good in casual jeans, and _the heels_ again. Killer. Light tight blue jeans and a pair of faux snake skin high heeled strappy sandals. Leo didn’t know shit about fashion brands, but he appreciated the design aspect of it.  
  
Hazel’s face on the other hand went through a momentary emotional journey. It was a similar one to when she found out he was disabled. “Or...orphaned.”  
  
“Uh. Yeah?” Leo snorted. A dark part of him always enjoyed throwing Hazel off. “Why the fuck you think I lived with my cunt of an Aunt? _Sorry,_ that was misogynistic, wasn’t it?”  
  
Hazel closed her eyes for just a second, like she was regaining composure. Hazel did seem more relaxed than she had yesterday, otherwise she would have likely yelled at him.

In more petty stupid moments in high school, Leo would say fairly misogynistic things very slowly in Spanish, slowly enough for Hazel to process, look up, and then come yell at him the next day.  It honestly was never a great feeling; Leo had known even then his mother would have been horrified with him.  
But, it got Hazel talking to him, coming up to him, and when he was 15, 16, that’s all he wanted.  
The depressed side of his adult brain wondered if he just wanted someone to talk to him at all, regardless of it being a pretty girl.  
  
“Still…That’s been a long time. Two decades. It might be beneficial to read.”

Leo shook his head, before grabbing the flyers and sticking them in an oversized pocket. “Okay. Fine. I would thank you if I wasn’t 90% certain you were doing this out of spite.”  
  
“Which you’ve never done,” Hazel crossed her arms, eyebrow raised in challenge.  
  
“Oh, Hazel, I’m only alive out of spite at this point,” Leo said in a bored manner, which actually seemed to throw Hazel off for a second. “Unless you mean I’ve never thanked you, which, true. Thank you, Hazel. For hand delivering me pamphlets. You want a free oil change?”  
  
Hazel tilted her head just slightly, probably trying to figure out what angle Leo was going for. “…Okay.”  
  
Hazel’s car was very nice. Very. Nice. A new Porsche 911 Carrera, which would probably cost a lot for an oil change at a dealership. These cars took a bit longer, not to mention the price point of the car itself. A single oil change would be likely $400 dollars. Leo had always liked cars, and all the newest tech. He didn’t drive them often. But, he sure as fuck liked them.  
It was no wonder she agreed to a freebie, given the cost of the upkeep.  
  
“Let me guess,” Leo said walking around the front of the car, and Hazel followed behind him. “Donated?” It was too costly for Hazel to have bought herself. She was never the type that cared about super fancy cars.  
  
Hazel nodded, and her face did a little soft thing. A momentary crack in the armor. “I…drove my dads old Ford for years, actually. I’m still not used to…newer cars.”  
  
Leo had a flash of a memory, of an old truck huffing and puffing in the school lot. He grinned and snickered to himself. “I remember that car! Oh my god, I think I sneaked out one day to fix a belt on it once.”  
Hazel looked surprised by the new information, but Leo shrugged it off. “You know I had a crush on you, Hazel, in my own fucked up way. Anyway, let’s get this darling changed out.”  
  
Leo popped the hood, and got to work, and Hazel stayed quiet most of the time after finding a stool to sit on. He didn’t mind her being there, a beautiful (angry) muse while he worked.  
  
When Leo had to get up under the car, was the first time Hazel said much.  
“You’re smaller than I remember.”  
  
“Unfortunately, I am the same size as I remember. Dating back to…oh, 6th grade.” Leo called back, muffled from under the car. “Was I some big bad ass in your memory?”  
  
“No, but you seemed," Hazel seemed to be fighting for word. " _More.”_

“That’s the problem with memories, though admittedly, I did put time into seeming… _more_.” Leo chuckled at her use of words and used it for himself. After, he pushed himself out on the wheeled cart he was on and smiled up at her with a cheesy grin.  
“ _Hi_.”  
  
Hazel stared down at him with a conflicted expression. “If I ask you something…will you tell me?”

Leo sat up, before getting to his feet. “Depends. Let’s say probably and go from there.”  
  
“…What were you like before you came to California?”  
  
Leo froze from where he was leaning over the engine.

“I…” He’d not been expecting that line of questioning. Why was he an asshole, why had he changed, why did his hand get busted. That’s what he was expecting. Hazel too liked to throw him off, even if she didn’t realize she was doing it.  
  
“Were you different?”  
  
Leo blinked rapidly, trying to shake the cloud from his head. “I, uh…yeah. I. was different. I had…this big head of hair, you know…I …liked to draw. I liked art. Design. Cooking.”  
  
Hazel looked almost hurt by the comment. It made sense.   
“I guess I was everything I gave you shit for.” Leo aimed for casually, but it just sounded hollow even to himself. He had still vivid memories of Hazel crying while he ripped apart one of her paintings. It always felt like he was ripping up his own things when he did, the things he had once loved.

“I threw it all away. It’s like you said, what kind of person can wear that good of a mask, right?”  
  
Before Hazel could say anything, Leo turned to her. “Your oil change is done.”  
  
“…Okay.”

  
  
  
  
That night Frank found Hazel googling something. She was staring at the screen intensely in bed. Frank looked over and saw a news headline.  
‘ _Tragedy Strikes in Downtown Houston_!’

The story was about a business and attached house that had burned down during an accident. The owner, a young woman, was killed in the process, and her son was injured but survived. There was a picture, presumably of the woman and her son.  
  
“What’s this?” Frank asked softly, curious. He felt bad for the boy, and Hazel likely had as well. Frank’s mother had died when he was 15, and Hazel’s mother suffered from early onset Alzheimer’s before she passed away when Hazel was 23.  
  
“Leo Valdez, at age 8.” Hazel answered, not looking away from the screen. Frank did a double take, and it sunk it why he hadn’t realized it was Valdez. The boy had a big bright happy smile, sparkling eyes, and was holding up a childlike but good drawing. It had a ribbon attached to it, like it was some prize from school. His mother looked thrilled and was hugging him tightly.  
Frank realized he’d never actually seen Leo Valdez smile earnestly. Sneering, smirking, dark grins, fake plastic smiles. But, no, never an honest to god _smile_.  
  
“How did you find this?” Frank asked after a moment, and Hazel finally shut the screen. She looked tired.  
  
“I went to his work today, gave him information for the trip. We…had a short conversation.”  
  
Frank sat up quickly, not knowing where to start. “…No yelling?”  
  
“No,” Hazel said softly. “No yelling.”  
  
Frank grew more concerned. Not because he didn’t trust his wife, he did, 100%. What worried him was what kind of effect it would have on Hazel’s mind. If Leo Valdez did prove himself to be just as big of a monster, the fallout could be severe.  
But if he wasn’t…then, who knew what would happen.  


 

  
  
Hazel was new to the school, though she had been living with her Half-Brother Nico and for a while now during the summer. Her mother needed more full time care now, and Hazel couldn’t provide it alone. Marie had good days, and then she had really bad days; days where it seemed she didn’t care about Hazel even remotely. It was difficult, especially for someone so young  
But, Nico was good, his friends were nice. She’d visited a few times growing up, but they worked well living together. Her dad’s new wife was fairly young and had initially been a bit uncertain about raising kids that were not her own. She warmed up to Hazel the fastest, when Hazel would giggle at her normally imposing father saying ‘ _yes dear, of course dear_ ’ to his beloved wife. It was an odd but eventually happy household.  
  
School though, Hazel had a lot of issues when it came to schools.  
There were cruel children in Louisiana, and some very cruel children in Alaska. They made fun of Hazel, her race, her hair, her braces, her mother.

And, here she was again, in another school, just waiting to see what this time would bring.  
  
A boy flopped down in the seat next to her, where Hazel had been waiting for Nico on a bench.  
“Gearhead. Cool.” The boy said, leaning over to look at Hazel’s face. She raised a hand up to hold it over her mouth to hide her braces, self-consciously.  
“Hey, no, don’t hide. I’m not lying. It’s cool. You’ve got a mouth full of pins and coils and sharp instruments literally reshaping your bone structure. Very metal.”  
  
“…Metal?”

“Yeah? You know, like hardcore. Badass.”

Hazel slowly lowered her hand, confused by the boy’s mannerisms. He wasn’t really smiling, but he didn’t look like he was making fun of her either. His hair was shaved very short to his head, probably black or brown, his eyes were browner than hers, big, but more almond shaped.  
His ears though, Hazel focused on. Pointed, like an elf.  
  
“Are…those real?” Hazel asked slowly, looking over the pair of odd ears. The boy shrugged a shoulder, his clothes looked like they were too big for him, bulky like hand me downs. The shirt he was wearing was nearly a tunic on him.  
  
"¿Mis oidos? Yeah, they’re real.” He said with a wry smile, like he wasn’t particularly happy about it. “The school isn’t putting on a Star Trek or Lord of the Rings play, so, yeah they’re very real.”  
  
“I like them,” Hazel smiled. She had always liked Lord of the Rings, she had read the books 5 times over.  
  
“You like my ears; I like your braces. What’s your name, braces?”  
  
“Hazel, Hazel Levesque.” She laughed, shaking her head, and holding out a hand to shake. “What’s your name, ears?”  
  
His eyes finally looked more amused than his face did, as he answered. “Leo, Leo Valdez.”

  
  
  
  
Hazel woke up, curled into Frank’s side. She woke up annoyed, angry, frustrated. She wanted to throw a pillow against a wall, or scream into it, one of the two. Talking to Valdez in that garage reminded her of the first few times she had ever met the boy. Casual, a bit joking, somewhat sarcastic. Making her feel like a child again, it was annoying.

When people asked her why she hated specifically Leo Valdez so much, it came back to that meeting. When her life was in chaos, she had been uprooted, had no friends – Hazel thought she had met someone who was safe. Someone _good_.

It wasn’t like Hazel hadn’t met bullies before, it wasn’t like she expected to never meet them again. But, Leo Valdez was something else.  
  
“You okay?” Frank mumbled, sitting up in bed and rubbing his eyes. “You’re kind of clawing into my side.”  
  
“Sorry,” Hazel sighed, rolling over. “Bad dream.”  
  
“You want to talk about it?” Frank asked, waking up a bit more fully, and starting to sit up.  
  
“No, just a memory from school.” Hazel shook her head and stared at the ceiling.  
  
“A…Valdez memory, I’m guessing?” Frank asked, and Hazel made a noncommittal noise.  
“So...Do you think it’s a good thing, that he’s changed? Or changing, anyway.”  
  
“That’s the thing,” Hazel closed her eyes. “I know people change and learn. I know that, Frank. But…There were _so_ many times in school where he seemed okay, nice even… and then it turned around. He’d compliment something, then have it destroyed. He’d smile sweetly, laugh with you, and then step back and watch someone get their face bashed in." Frank didn't say anything, he knew it just as well.

Hazel huffed. "Contrary to popular belief, I’m not blind, Frank. I can tell something shifted with him ; but I can’t help the voice in my head that’s asking why? Why now, how, and how long will it even last?”  
  
Frank was quiet for a moment, “what if it was permanent?”  
  
Hazel cracked open an eye and flipped over on her side to look at her husband. “What?”  
  
“I mean…What if Leo Valdez is completely apologetic, wants to make amends, wants to work with your company in the future, wants to volunteer. Never does or says anything to make you think otherwise, permanently. He was a teenager then, he’s had a good long time to reflect, to grow up.” Frank asked, and Hazel shook her head.  
  
“I think he’d be a lot more open and forthcoming if that were true. Maybe he does have some regrets; but you know as well as I do, he was almost entirely speaking between lines at both the reunion and my office.” Frank looked like he grudgingly agreed.

It was true, Leo Valdez hadn’t apologized, he hadn’t asked for forgiveness. Just something about wanting to be _better_.  
“Plus,” Hazel huffed, trying to dispel some of the seriousness. “You know fully well he wanted to get in my pants part of high school. For all I know this is some… weird ploy.”  
  
“Well, if it was, he’d have better luck signing up on one of your apps,” Frank said somewhat lightly, to which Hazel didn’t fully process at first.  
  
“…What’s that supposed to mean?” Hazel frowned, sitting up entirely and grabbing a pillow to her stomach.  
  
“I just mean…” Frank waved a hand and looked mildly nervous for a very large man. “Most of the people you want to bring in. Look…sort of similar, is all.”  
  
Hazel stared at him, dumbstruck. “ _Similar_?”  
  
“…Skin tone, size, body shape, eyes, hair color. I mean, the guy the other night. Sam, or whatever? He could have been related to Valdez, that’s all.” Frank had the tone he used when he was trying to pass something off as not a big deal but was in fact a very big deal.  
  
Hazel had _no_ idea what to say to that.

  
  
  
“So,” Piper said later that day over tea. “Frank’s implying…that you’re subconsciously fucking guys that look like Leo?”  
  
“Apparently!” Hazel huffed, eating half a cupcake in a single bite angrily.  
  
“Well, I mean. Are you?” Piper asked, to which all the other girls at the table winced. “He’s kind of cute. In a scrawny way. Not my type, but still.”  
  
“No! Obviously not!” Hazel nearly sloshed her drink across the table, how could Piper even ask that?

“So, what if I have a type? And some of those features _happen_ to coincide with Leo Valdez. That’s like saying Percy wants to fuck Jason just because he’s dating another tall blonde. It’s ridiculous.”  
  
Piper exchanged a look with Annabeth, who cracked a small smirk. “Right. Of course not.”

“The point is, I _hate_ Valdez. He’s not ugly, but I don’t want to fuck him. Frank’s ignoring the fact that most of what he described, also describes me. Brown skin, curly hair. Maybe I just like familiar things?” Hazel rolled her eyes, taking a drink of her own coffee.

...Of course, there was yesterday when he was on the ground below her, under her car. Maybe, there was a _brief_ moment of attraction. But, overall. Ridiculous.  
He did have nice hair now though. And, a nice butt.  
For a complete jackass.  
  
“You know, I kind of felt bad for the kid before he turned into a giant dick.” Thalia stated out of the blue, getting confused looks from the entire group.

“I guess he wasn’t in any of your elementary schools, but I was there once for an… older students helping younger kids’ thing?” Thalia said, kicking back in her chair.  
“I don’t think he had been in California long. I got to the art room, and there he was all alone. I think around 9 or so? I thought he was a lot younger at first, because he was so small. He was just drawing, all climbed up on the art stool. When he noticed me, his eyes got all big, and he looked like he was about to bolt. But I told him I liked his picture. I remember it to this day, it was a big sailboat, with a dragon head at the front. It was really good for his age. Valdez started to relax, and then someone called his name from outside the door.”  
Thalia shrugged a shoulder. “I’ve never seen someone rip apart their own art so quickly. He looked _terrified_. Like a beat dog, lashing out. When he got to our high school, I guess I wasn’t really _shocked_ he had stepped in line with his cousins. He was already completely willing to destroy aspects of himself. I don’t forgive him though, for what came after, but I still remember his face back then.”  
  
Hazel thought back to the picture of Leo before he had moved to California. When he had smiled up at her in his shop, deep down it still felt put on. He was more relaxed than he had been in school, but Hazel still hadn’t seen a smile from Leo Valdez like the one he wore in that photo.  
Whatever mask he claimed to have had in school, he still had it.  
  
Hazel didn’t want to admit it to herself, or anyone, but on some level, it hurt to think about. Regardless of everything he had done, Hazel herself remembered trying to hide her braces in school, to not tell people about her mother’s illness. Leo Valdez seemed to be doing something similar, but on a much more massive, far more damaging scale.

It didn’t absolve him…but.  
Some part of her wanted to see what _would_ make him happy?  
  
That night, when Hazel offered to Frank to have some _fun_ again, she decided she had to make a point of picking someone entirely _not_ Valdez. Usually Hazel only did this every few months, but she was more stressed out than usual. And, she had something to prove.  
A pretty girl arrived, a soft girl, with blue eyes, and strawberry blond hair. She was a good sub.  
It was just…okay.  
Frank was obviously a bit distracted, but not with the girl - he kept looking at Hazel for her reactions.  
  
When the girl was on her knees, with her head between Hazel’s legs, Hazel started to get… _bored_. She wasn’t bad, she followed instructions well, she was experienced, but it just…wasn’t right.  
It wasn’t until she pictured Valdez smiling up at her from the ground, saying ‘ _Hi_ ,’ in that overly flirtatious tone, that she came.

 

  
“I… might have a problem,” Hazel admitted later that night, standing in the shower next to Frank. “You…might be right, and I don’t...know exactly what to do about it, or what it means.”  
  
In between all the horrible moments of school, of which there were countless, sometimes, Hazel remembered watching Valdez. His movements, his mannerisms, how he sounded. She could pick out his footsteps in a group, she knew his normal food orders, she knew his class schedules.

“Did,” Hazel took a deep breath, her stomach feeling deeply unsettled and somewhat nauseated. “Did I have a _crush_ on him?”  
  
“Yup, my love, I think you did.” Frank kissed the top of her head, and she wrapped her arms around his waist. “It’s okay. I don’t mind your taste in guys, really.”  
  
“I hated him _so_ much,” Hazel had to fight the urge to dig her fingernails into Frank’s arm. Not that he would have felt them much anyway, Hazel always kept her nails short, perfect, but short. It was hard to finger someone with long nails.

  
“I think…” Hazel was talking quietly enough it was hard to hear over the spray of the water. “I think I always wished Valdez was…I suppose, not Valdez. Just... Leo. He was honestly sweet to me, when we first met. For a couple weeks. I know I probably had a normal crush on him early on, and then…it felt like he _betrayed_ me. He hurt Nico, he hurt all the new friends I was making. I was so used to people making fun of me, of my mom…and I thought he’d be different." Frank rubbed her back, comfortingly.

"He was funny, cute, so smart. And he could be _so_ calculatingly cruel. I just wanted to go back, to rewind. Maybe part of me wondered if I could have done something differently, even though I knew it was all him – it was his fault.”  
First loves were hard to forget, especially when they soured so quickly.  
  
“It’s good, then, isn’t it?” Frank asked, swaying with her slightly in the water. “If he does want to be different now? We can move past all of that, you can let go of some of those feelings. For all we know, maybe what you did and said during school was part of the reason he changed. It could be closure, maybe that’s all you really wanted?”  
  
“I really don’t know,” Hazel admitted, watching water go down the drain. “I wish it was as easy as that.”  
  
“Might be good to talk to your therapist about this, then. But, in the meantime…Like I said, honey, I really don’t mind your taste in guys, have I ever complained? …As long as you’re not thinking of asking _Valdez_ himself to join in. I don’t care.”  
  
Hazel laughed and shook her head. “God, no. I can’t even…picture that. I think it’s just…an early first crush that went badly. That’s all. I couldn’t picture ever being with him like that.”

Frank thought of Valdez in the bathroom, undershirt soaked through and looking small and vulnerable.  
Hazel thought of Valdez laying on the ground at her feet, that cheeky look clear on his face.  
  
Well, mostly couldn’t picture it.  
  
The rest of the week passed…awkwardly.

Hazel had gotten the chance to talk to her therapist a few times about some of her conflicting emotions, more about her past with Valdez, which helped, being able to vent more. She’d, of course, mentioned being bullied, how it affected her, her family, and her work path. But, for whatever reason, Hazel always knew to not go into a lot of detail about Valdez specifically. Maybe, deep down, she knew it wasn’t normal, her obsession with the man.

Her therapist agreed in part with Frank, that her previous behavior wasn’t the most healthy way of coping, but that it was good she was speaking openly about it now.  
Hazel did, however, leave out the part about feeling other more primal urges towards Valdez. The part of her that wanted to beat his face in, or the part that wanted to bend him over the hood of her Porsche or push him to his knees.  
Some things were best kept to herself, for now.

 

  
  
Telling his boss that Leo would be gone for three days went about as well as to be expected.  
Because Leo didn’t tell them at all.  
They never came by the shop anymore and it wasn’t like the shop was in a super populated portion of town. It wasn’t like they were a proper auto repair mechanic. It was just oil changes, tire changes, rotations, window wiper exchanges. He’d call someone in to do anything he couldn’t, with his fucked up hand, but otherwise Leo essentially ran the joint. (Not that his paycheck reflected that, of course.)  
  
So, Thursday night Leo hooked up a sign on the door that said, ‘Closed until Monday’.  
  
He had a plane to catch Friday.

But, first, Leo needed to grab his bags and get an Uber to take him to Hazel’s office like the good woman had ordered.  
  
Leo did have a suitcase, so he didn’t have to stuff his belongings into a duffle bag. Well, it had been Summer’s suitcase, but it was Leo’s now. He threw in some of his newer clothes, underwear. The boxer briefs Leo bought had to be in teen sizes, usually. Being short and skinny meant even small sizes for men in the US tended to be baggy. He didn’t care if it was his regular clothes, belts and suspenders existed, but he couldn’t really afford to have his underwear fall off him entirely.

He had already grabbed a travel kit from the drugstore for his toiletries.  
And, that was about it. Like he had said, he only owned about five things.  
   
As Leo haphazardly threw things into his bag, there was a knock at his door, which made Leo immediately suspicious. No one came to his door. Not even his few friends.  
Caly came over once, said ‘ _no_ ,’ and turned around and left immediately. If she wasn’t gay, Leo’d have fallen for her instantly.  
  
He stood on tippy toes to look out the spyhole in the door and saw collarbone. Leo rolled his eyes. _Great_.

Leo was glad he’d gotten rid of his old porn now. Last thing he needed was to make a long flight more awkward by Hazel tripping over a stack of dirty movies.  
Leo had…eclectic tastes and tended to buy things online when drunk, regardless of the fact porn was virtually free and everywhere. While Summer eventually knew Leo was Bi, he never told her all his tastes. As much as he loved her, they were still so young back then that Leo always felt like he had to be careful around her, gentle even. They didn’t frequently have sex, Summer was never hugely interested in sex, which Leo was fine with, honestly. A lot of the time, sex scared him. There was still that lurking shadow in his mind, from the time Carlos caught him watching porn. Some lurking threat, waiting to hurt him.  
But, honestly, his tastes hadn’t changed much since that day.  
(Except pegging. Leo found out what that was only about 3 years back, and it was…eye opening. Trying to use any sort of anal sex toys on himself, with the use of only one hand had always been slightly problematic. More than once had he accidentally fallen onto his face, and trying to pull a dildo suction cupped off the wall proved itself to be a worthy opponent.)  
  
Undoing the fifty locks on his door, because it wasn’t a great neighborhood and he was paranoid, Leo swung the door open to look upwards at Frank, and behind him, Hazel.

“Lovely, you found out where I live.”  
  
Hazel and Frank were glancing around the hallway, and then into Leo’s apartment with varying states of concern.  
“…There’s an old woman sitting in her doorway holding a _shotgun_ , five doors down.” Hazel whispered softly, glancing down the hallway.  
  
Leo peaked out the door and saw Mrs. Thompson sitting there rocking back and forth slowly.

“Yeah, she just does that. I think it’s really the only enjoyment she has in life anymore. Are you coming in or-“the two former classmates pushed by Leo and into his apartment. “Cool, or you can just come in regardless.”  
  
“Is that an engine?” Hazel asked, toeing her shoe ( _Heels._ High heeled _boots._ ) up against a piece of metal in Leo’s ‘living room’.

“Probably? I work at a mechanic shop, who cares?”  
  
“How did you even get it up-“  
  
“So, why are you here? I thought I was meeting you at your office?” Leo crossed his arms. He knew why they were here. Probably would have a good laugh about sending the resident asshole bully back to his squalor after the fancy trip.  
  
“Made more sense to pick you up,” Frank was nearly too tall for the room, and kept looking up nervously, trying to avoid getting the cheap popcorn type ceiling plaster in his hair. “You don’t have a roommate, girlfriend, boyfriend, someone we’re going to bother by being here, do you?”  
  
Leo’s lips ticked upward. _Boyfriend_? Frank was so PC it was adorable. “No. I live alone. I might be small, but a studio would get a bit cramped with more than me.”  
  
“Who is this?” Leo turned to see Hazel already made her way into the kitchenette and was looking at a picture of Summer on the side of the fridge. Jesus Christ, Hazel was fast. Though, Leo guessed the studio wasn’t much land to traverse.  
  
“That’s Summer,” Leo said fondly. “My fiancé.”  
  
Hazel and Frank simultaneously looked like they had just been slapped across the face. “You have a fiancé?!”  
  
Leo rubbed at an itchy spot on the side of his nose. God forbid Leo date, apparently. “Yeah? I guess _had_ a fiancé would be the more accurate term. I’m not sure how the legalities of the wording work.”  
  
“You guys broke up?” Frank asked, walking up to look at the picture. “Sorry. She is pretty though.”  
  
“She’s gorgeous,” Leo leaned against the counter. “But, no, we didn’t break up. She died. I told Piper at the reunion. I’m surprised you didn’t know.”  
  
“How…long ago?” Hazel asked slowly, staring at the picture.  
  
“Awhile,” Leo had another picture on the windowsill, and tossed it to her. This one was Leo and Summer, happy as could be, in a pumpkin field. Couldn’t see Leo’s face in it much, because he was holding a jack-o-lantern he had carved up in front of it. “She had just turned 23 not too much before, I had been 23 for about half the year. So, yeah. About 6 years. It’s been a good long while. You’d have liked her though; she was a good person. Who knows why she liked me, certainly wasn’t the money.”  
  
Leo had admitted to Summer he was bi around then, not too long before she died. Two years hadn’t been enough time. It wasn’t perfect, and Leo was always still very guarded back then, they were still so young - but he always knew, deep down, that Summer would have never judged him poorly.  
  
“I’m sorry,” Frank said, reminding himself of Leo apologizing to him all those years ago in the locker rooms. “No one else? I’d feel awkward if you were dating someone and they couldn’t go on the trip…”  
  
“Nah,” Leo shrugged. “I mean, I went out a couple times with a few girls after… But, no. I don’t date. Unless you count how one of my friends gets really handsy when drunk.”

Lester got real weepy when drunk and tried to kiss anyone with a face. Caly, usually had to reel in the idiot. They’d all met at a previous job Leo worked, that got shut down. Calypso, Echo, Lit, Lester, and his _terrifying_ little sister Meg. Leo liked all of them, Caly and Echo were dating, Lit and Lester were dating; yet Leo never told any of them he was bi. He was pretty sure they knew, but it wasn’t something Leo was super open about.  
  
“So, anyway, we can go whenever. Literally no one in this apartment building would care if I vanished.” Or anyone anywhere, Leo’s brain supplied unhelpfully.  
“You know, if you’re done making sure my apartment is as terrible as you were hoping it was.”  
  
Hazel shot him a small glare, but didn’t really deny it.

“There’s…more mechanical parts than I was expecting,” Frank offered, sounding less combative.  
  
“Yeah, well, I wanted to be an engineer before I lost the use of my dominant hand. Maybe one day I’ll get that surgery you mentioned, I’m sure Hazel’s working on becoming president and enacting universal healthcare, right?”  
  
“As if I’d get elected,” Hazel rolled her eyes and walked ahead of him. “But, yes, I’ve worked with groups that are trying to get legislation passed.”  
  
“What?” Leo smirked, grabbing up his bag. “Don’t Southern white Republican men love bossy black women?”

Hazel spun on her heels, and her glare could have leveled a building. “Did you just call me _bossy_?”

“Bossy’s good, Levesque.” Leo walked past her and down the hallway. “Just means you know what you want and you’re not afraid to demand it, like a boss. _Boss_ -y.”  
Leo passed by the woman with the shotgun and waved goodbye to her, and the old woman just grunted.  
  
Hazel clenched her fists and narrowed her eyes. It was hard to tell what was and what wasn’t a compliment coming from Valdez.

Frank, on the other hand, sighed. Hazel had finally admitted some of her issues regarding Valdez, the last thing they needed was for Leo Valdez to basically hand her a handwritten note saying, ‘boss me around.’  
  
As they walked out of the building, Leo thought of something, and stopped dead to look at Hazel. “Wait…Did you get a rental, or did you bring the Porsche?”  
  
“Rental,” Hazel said with a very small knowing smile, as Leo looked mildly disappointed.  
It was a fucking Tesla Roadster.  
  
By the time they reached the Jet, Leo’s hair was blown in about five different directions and his eyes were wide. Fuck the jet, Leo thought, he just wanted to drive this car more. Maybe get up inside it and see the Tesla tech up close.

Leo was wrong to have thrown the jet under the metaphorical bus before he had seen it.  
  
Since it was a private jet, there wasn’t a hugely long wait time to board. Leo had gotten waved through and walked up the steps within about 20 minutes of arriving. Frank and Hazel had already boarded the plane, and when Leo got inside it was hard not to gawk. Last time he had flown was in economy, by himself, with a little sign around his neck that said, ‘unaccompanied minor’.  
  
The sleek interior boasted leather couches, drinks on tables, a big screen tv, a fake fireplace, and fucking throw pillows. His former classmates had already gotten seated on a couch, (which looked like a loveseat where Frank was involved), and both seemed to be watching for Leo’s reaction.  
  
“Shit, I just realized I need a sugar daddy.” Leo muttered, looking around. “I see why girls want those now.”

“Seeing how you’re here because of my company, it would be sugar mommy.” Hazel said offhandedly, grabbing a bottle of champagne. “Anyway, you might want to get seated, for takeoff.”  
  
“ _Blegh_ ,” Leo frowned, flopping down in a seat as the plane began to move quickly down the runway. “Mommy sounds so much creepier than Daddy. Maybe because I didn’t know my dad.”  
  
“It’s definitely not my preferred terminology,” Hazel agreed, with more meaning than Leo would know. “Does it matter? I’m guessing you won’t be calling any of your partners _daddy_ ,” Hazel popped the cork as their altitude leveled out. Leo raised an eyebrow with a small smirk.  
  
“Frank did ask me back there if I had a boyfriend, so, who knows.”  
  
“That’s…” Frank huffed. “That’s only because Will seems convinced, he won he poll. I mean-“ Frank realized what he had just said, and Hazel looked away, taking a sip of her drink.  
“The...poll. Uh, it’s.”  
  
“Piper already told me, chill.” Leo grabbed a glass, what didn’t alcohol help? Besides livers. “He thought I’d walk in on the arm of a hot guy, right? Sorry to disappoint. Would have been funny to see your reactions, though.”  
  
“Since when are you friends with Piper?” Hazel asked, this was the second time he had mentioned her, and Piper seemed far less bothered by Leo after the reunion too. Leo just gave a small shrug.  
  
“Either way, I’m sure Nico will be relieved to hear you weren’t just in denial all of high school.” Frank had relaxed somewhat, until he saw Leo’s expression. “…What?”  
  
The other man had his legs crossed, and was looking up from lowered lashed, a small wry smile on his lips as he drank from his champagne glass.

It unfortunately was a very familiar Leo Valdez look, one from school.

It was a look that said I Know Something That You Don't.  
  
“How long is this flight, Hazel?” Leo asked, seemingly ignoring the question.  
  
Hazel frowned, “…just over five hours.”

“Ah,” Leo took a long drink, a very long drink.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have probably another chapters worth ready to go soonish, but I'm also going to take some time to try and work on grecoroman abcs and a couple others. 
> 
> crushes are weird.  
> one of my very first crushes was admittedly kind of an asshole. Part of me still wants to run into him and just....slap him.  
> But, I'm like...an adult human, so that's...illegal.


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> New York whirlwind vacations just aren't what they're cracked up to be.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, I had the idea for this story a while back. There was one thing that was in the general plotline that I sort of... debated including, which is why I didn't initially include it in the tags. I'm changing those to reflect the current story, because I did ultimately decide to have it in. 
> 
> [[Big Ol' Warning for Attempted Sexual Assault/Attempted Rape in this chapter]]  
> It is not committed by any main characters, but the fact remains the description of the event could possibly be triggering.  
> It's not something I take lightly, or in any way want to romanticize or fetishize a traumatic event. 
> 
> This was a rough chapter to write, and probably longer than it needed to be, but that isn't the type of cliffhanger I'd ever want to leave someone on.

  
  


“So, let’s catch up. Tell me about everyone who hates me.”  
  
“No, what? _No_.” Frank sat up, nearly splashing he drink Hazel was handing him. “What was that? What was that face for? Especially after...what I just said.”  
  
Leo feigned ignorance with another familiar fake smile. “Hm? I don’t know what you mean. _Anyway_ , come on, tell me about everyone.”  
  
Hazel met his look, with a focused one of her own. She was plotting something, Leo realized with some amusement.  
“Alright, but let’s have it be a trade. As you have insisted a few times now; I don’t know much about you these days, and you don’t know much about our friends and lives currently. We answer a question; you answer a question. Within reason, of course. You can always refuse to answer a question, but then our Q&A ends. That's fair, isn't it?”  
  
“I like it.” Leo tilted his head like a dog before one of his sharper grins made an appearance. “Deal. Let’s start easy then. Are Jason and Piper still a couple?” Leo asked easily. He had a minor crush on Jason, which it took him until after high school to realize. Not so much a crush, more of a first muscular guy Leo had ever seen up close and naked in the lockers, because they had P.E together. His tastes had since matured, while Jason was cute and tall, Leo wasn’t a fan of the whole male model body type thing. Still, Leo remembered post-graduation, when he was still questioning his sexuality, thinking on Jason getting out of the locker room showers.  
  
“No one knows,” Hazel answered easily enough. “They live together, but they both travel a lot, and I know for a fact they both have dating apps on their phones. They could be polyamorous, but we’ve never heard anything either way, so we haven’t pried. So, good luck trying to find out when none of us know. My turn?”  
Leo waved a hand, encouraging her.  
  
“Democrat or Republican?” Leo looked surprised, before cackling. While his voice wasn’t very high pitched, his laughter often bordered on a something close giggle, but a sharp one. The laugh of someone who just unexpectedly watch someone trip and fall. The first time she had heard it, Hazel thought it was cute, later in the year she found it extremely grating.  
Now though? …It was still grating and put her on edge.  
  
“ _Really?_  Of those two options…guess I’d say I’m apolitical, but that generally votes democratic. But, honestly, I don’t know shit about politics. If they tell me I need to go back to Mexico, or push religious shit, then I’m not a fan. Both my mom and aunt Rosa were Catholic, but they had pretty different takes on it. I’d rather just not hear about it, especially not from Evangelical Republicans. But there’s a lot of Democratic politicians I don’t like either; I don’t always trust their sincerity towards Latino voters or our communities. I’m a disabled Latino man in California, do you know how many emails I get from campaigns pretending to give a shit, when they’ve not done shit for me? I’m tired of being pandered to. If I’m being taxed for shit, I want it to actually go to things that matter. Schools, and healthcare, job training, and shit like that. I guess that puts me more into the liberal side of things, I don't know. Now... That being said, I have absolutely voted for people just because I thought their names were funny.”  
Leo watched as their faces went from ‘well, that’s understandable’ to ‘ _that’s_ the Leo Valdez I know’ and not so much in a positive way.  
The truth was Leo didn’t bother to vote much, Summer always told him things, read about candidates and issues to him. Now though? He didn’t remember the last time he had voted outside of a presidential election. California was generally so left leaning; Leo didn’t think it mattered. Hazel would probably have disagreed.    
  
“My turn? When did you two get married, big wedding or fancy theme? Is your name still Levesque even?”  
  
Frank and Hazel exchanged a look. “Fall of 2014. No, it was a small private event with just some friends and family. We didn’t want to spend much money on it, so it was at a venue Frank’s family already owned. Yes, my name is still Levesque, but we changed our middle names to include each other’s family names. So, one of my middle names is Zhang, one of his is Levesque. My turn. Why did you grow your hair out?” Hazel asked.  
  
“I like having longer hair, pretty simple. My Aunt had shaved it off because she thought I looked like a p- ...er, something you don’t want the translation of. Are Nico and Will married now?”  
Leo also had mixed emotions over his ears. On some level, he liked that they were unique, but then again it tended to be the first thing people noticed, and usually not in a good way. Sometimes they made him feel less human that other people. His hair was a good way to cover them, something that was removed from him when he was younger.  
  
“Yes, for three years now." Hazel announced looking pleased as punch. "It was actually funny, Nico popped the question in the hospital that Will works. Will started crying, because he was coming off of an 18 hour shift, and was covered in various horrible fluids at that point. People in the hallways thought Will had just lost a patient or something, because he was sobbing. It also turned out he also had an appointment to look at rings himself, and was annoyed Nico beat him to the proposal. They’re actually thinking of adopting soon.” Hazel told the story happily, but gauged Leo’s expression, and got no signs in return that he seemed bothered by it. That was a distinct change from high school, Leo had always sided hard with his relatives, that at the time gay marriage shouldn’t be passed in California. It had been a major issue during their school years, as everyone knew the measure had ended up on the ballot. It was passed in 2008, enough time for Hazel to gloat about it.  
Then again, by the end of his senior year, Leo had seemed more ambivalent. After the measure was passed, it seemed like he simply no longer cared. Hazel was never certain of anything Leo Valdez did.  
  
“That’ll be one weird kid, being raised with a mortician and nurse as parents. Life and death. I’d say sounds like a Disney movie, but they don’t have the balls. Dreamworks, maybe. Oh well, I guess that means congrats to the future the future tía and tío too then, eh?” Leo tipped his glass to Hazel and Frank.  
  
Hazel tipped her glass as well, in a small toast, before continuing with the line of questions. “Who hurt your hand?”  
  
Leo’s amused expression faded to a more closed off one, and Hazel wasn’t expecting an answer. “…My cousin’s dad, Santino. Why, do you actually care?”  
  
“Because I’m wondering if it has something to do with the fact you seemingly want to distance yourself from who you were as a teenager, and from your family. I don’t know why, but I’m starting to suspect it has something to do with why you wouldn’t answer Frank earlier”  
  
Leo smiled, taking a long drink from his champagne. “That’s not a question, Hazel.”  
  
Hazel took a breath and bit her lip. “Are you gay?”  
  
“No,” Leo said easily, with a small shake of the head. “I’m not gay. But… let’s say I was… say I had come up to you in school, maybe two years in, and told you I hated my family; that I felt terrible for everything I had said to you up until that point – would you have believed me, or would you have thought it was a prank?”  
  
Hazel felt a cold chill go down her spine, that had nothing to do with pressure changes. “I…don’t know. I…would probably initially think it was a prank.”  
  
Leo already knew that. By his senior year, the year he realized he needed to get away, he already knew it was too late. He’d burnt down too many bridges. He never considered talking to Hazel, Nico, anyone else. It would have been pointless.  
  
“Did…you?” Frank asked slowly.  
  
“Hm…” Leo pondered how to answer the question. “Yes, and no. I’m not gay, that’s not a lie, and in all honesty, I generally thought my relatives were right in their opinions, or if I disagreed with them, that was my fault. They _had_ to be right because they were the adults. You know…kids do a lot to get approval from adults, from family. I was in a few foster homes in Houston, before I was sent here, they all booted me.”  
More unsaid things, Hazel realized.  
It sounded like Valdez was being open, but he was only giving partial information. Why had he gotten removed from foster care? Why hadn’t he been sent to his closest living relatives first? Plus, why bother with this line of questions anyway? Valdez was saying he wasn’t gay, that it wasn’t a lie, but Hazel felt like he was likely hiding something else.  
   
“So, I thought my aunt Rosa would be like my mom, and when she told me something was wrong with me or someone else, I believed them. I might not have known why it was supposedly wrong but like with my hair. They tell me longer hair is bad on boys, I don’t understand why, but then my cousins start pulling me around by it. Rosa cuts it, and the issue goes away, and suddenly 9 year old me thinks, ‘ _oh_ , okay. I get it now.’”

“A good parent would teach their kid to not bully, not punish the kid they were bullying,” Frank said, distaste for Valdez’ aunt growing.  
Leo shrugged it off. “Look, I’m not going to lie to you and say that I was always secretly torn apart by everything I did and said, because I wasn’t. There were times you, someone else, or whoever pissed me off, and I wanted to see you smacked down. But, yeah, there were a lot of times I just went along with things, regardless of personally believing them. There were also times I wanted to sit down at your table and ask you questions, but thought I’d get the shit kicked out of me if I tried. Maybe I wouldn’t have, or maybe it was all in my head, maybe no one would have given a flying fuck, but that was the choice I made. It was easier for me to just go along with it. It was easier to actively hurt someone else, to hide from the possibility I could end up hurt if I didn’t.”  
  
“Valdez,” Frank said quietly, as softly as he could.  
He could read between the lines just as well as Hazel, and while she was thinking about the damning things Leo wasn’t saying, Frank was hearing the description of what a horribly toxic household was clearly. While Frank knew perfectly well that there were plenty of people from abusive households who never bullied anyone the way Leo had, it still horrified him to think of anyone growing up in such a stifling environment. He remembered the way Leo had nearly defended him when Frank’s mother had died, so it had to have been hard on a much younger Leo Valdez to have lost his family and been uprooted so roughly.  
It didn’t excuse his actions later, but Frank still felt sympathy for the child lost. He wondered why no one had done anything, said anything, why they thought that household was appropriate for a child?  
  
Leo cut him off. “I appreciate the thought, of whatever you’re going to say, Zhang. I’m sure it’s very kind, but let’s face facts - I deserve it.”  
  
Frank’s brows knit together. Valdez had said _deserve_ , not deserv _ed_. “You were _a child,_ no matter what you did later, no child deserves abuse-“  
  
“You’ve met me right? I was a piece of shit kid. I toughened up.” Leo raised his glass, with a hollow laugh. “My turn. Easy one. Can I have more champagne?”  
  
Hazel leaned over to pour his glass, she met his eyes, her expression hardened. Her hair was loose, like a coiling crown around her face.  
“Were you happy in high school?”  
  
“ _Happy_?” Leo repeated, almost like he was confused by the word itself. “Was anyone?” Leo knew deep down he had been a bitter young man, at his worst moments, his most cruel moments, it was because he wanted to pull everyone down with him. He never wanted to be that way again.

But he still couldn’t picture anyone being _happy_ in school. It went back further than high school or middle school. Even in preschool, elementary school, Leo was always the small kid; the awkward kid who couldn’t make friends easily. He was happier doing his own thing, and then going home.  
  
“Apart from you, the bullying, and your family? Yes. I had a lot of happy moments, obviously Frank and I met each other, and I grew closer with my family. I made really good lifelong friends. There were bad moments, of course, even apart from bullying, but overall, yes. I was happy. Didn’t you have good moments?”  
Hazel asked, and Leo continued to stare at her like she had grown a second head. Was she serious?  
  
“…When it ended?” Leo said slowly, like he was speaking to a child. It seemed perfectly obvious to Leo, who could possibly have enjoyed their school years?  
Even sex was damn near unpleasant. Dating girls in school had always been stressful, and more annoying than it had been worth. He had been fed so many expectations that while the sex had been fine if not a bit boring, it was more of a duty than anything. His one-night stands at parties with girls, they were usually both buzzed, and the sensation was the only good part. Sometimes he’d leave to vomit, probably because of the booze, and not just the fact he didn’t want to be touched by some random girl.  
Dating out of high school, away from his family, away from some of those pressures had been a breath of fresh air. Thankfully, sex was never a big draw for Summer, wasn’t something they did often. He could just be the loving boyfriend. Though, even then, Leo knew there was plenty he didn’t do or say in fear of breaking norms.  
  
Leo flashed back on one night during junior year, when him and a bunch of folks he vaguely knew went to the county fair. They were drunk and high out of their minds, as was a good portion of Leo’s memories during that time period. His tolerance was good because of it, but the only main memory Leo had of the night was a feeling of dissociation while on a roller coaster. As he looked out over the flashing lights and sounds and smells of fair food, nothing felt real. He could feel the wind rush past his face, chill his ear tips. He didn’t feel excited, he didn’t feel scared at the drops; it was like he was stuck in his own body, just watching everything happen as though it was a bad movie.  
No, Leo didn’t have many memories of being _happy_.  
  
“What was the first moment you hated me?” Leo asked, suddenly, snapping out of his head.  
  
“Easy one; the moment you insulted my brother.” Hazel said effortlessly, the memory was seared into her brain. The look of shame and fear on Nico’s face, as he realized people were stopping to look at him. Nico hadn’t even publicly come out yet, he hadn’t been in school long.  
  
Leo remembered that day well, Hazel had been acting friendly with Leo for a few weeks. She was new, and they got along well. She’d talk about art, and other things at lunch. Frank Zhang was around, sort of, but only as one of her newer friends. He was nothing. One day, one of Leo’s cousins had said something in passing about, ‘how could you hang out with that girl?’ They said Hazel was a freak, said her friends were losers. Leo tried to quietly pull away, he liked Hazel, but he couldn’t continue to hang out with her. But Hazel found him, she always found him. This time, she was introducing her half-brother. It was easy enough, to burn those bridges.  
  
“Also the moment you insulted her brother,” Frank added. “I have a question that’s actually bothered me for years: Why were your cousins afraid of you?”  
  
Leo hummed, and crossed his legs on the couch. “Honestly, if you want the truth…I don’t really know. I mean, look at me? But, once I realized they did, I tried to keep it up, of course. It was easier being feared. I know folks thought I was blackmailing people. Which, I mean, I did that too.”  
  
Frank and Hazel looked surprised and mildly horrified. “Wait, _What_?”  
  
“Oh, _yeah_.” Leo nodded, amused. “I always had information on people. It started innocently. People would talk around me, I’m small, blend into the background, and I have a good memory. Usually it was boring, like Sean in class B was cheating on his girlfriend with whoever at whatever party. Things you don’t care about, until say, Sean starts getting uppity. You drop a hint you know something. Sean shuts the fuck up and stays away from you. Worked well to keep people away, or on their toes at least. I knew Emiliano was cheating on half his papers, that sort of thing. But I already had a reputation before I ever started that. Maybe because I had the teachers on my side? I have a friend that says I have a face that says I’m always up to no good. No idea. Always seemed weird to me, guys twice my size would avoid me. Made things easier for me though.”  
  
“You’re awful,” Hazel grimaced, shaking her head.  
  
“Yeah, no shit, Hazel. Anyway, for my cousins, I think part of it was I stopped giving them reactions to things. When I first got to their house, they’d break whatever toys I had left, rip up anything I made, and I’d get upset. I’d cry, they’d pull my hair, shove me around. Then, I stopped. I knew better. Though, I think there’s another reason.”  
  
“God, what now? Worse than blackmailing them?”  
  
“Auntie Rosa called me _diablo._ ” Leo grinned around the lip of his cup, shark like. “Early on, she told them _I_ was probably the one that got my mother killed. She died in a fire, so…if I felt like my cousins were starting to get a bit annoyed with me, maybe trying to step up, play alpha dog and push _little Leo_ around…”  
  
“Your lighter,” Hazel realized in moment of horror, picturing a younger Valdez flicking it on and off leisurely at times. It wasn’t like he lit things on fire, he wasn’t a pyromaniac. Just, he would sit there, at lunch, or in class. Flicking the metal lid up and snapping it back down. On and off. “ _That’s_ why you played with your lighter?”  
  
“Jesus Christ,” Frank shook his head. “All of that is...just _wrong_.”  
  
Hazel realized a glaring problem with what he was saying, or moreover what he wasn’t saying. “Then when did they _stop_ fearing you? They certainly didn’t at the reunion.”  
  
“Well, they watched their dad bash my hand to bits with a hammer, and I didn’t retaliate or do anything. Just sat on the floor and cried like a bitch for a while before running away. I guess that probably broke some illusions.”  
  
Frank sucked in a deep breath, horrified. He knew whatever caused that amount of damage had to be bad, but a _hammer_? The idea of a blunt instrument coming down, time and time again was horrific. He’d treated injuries on abused animals before that weren’t _that_ horrible. And, Valdez had said he hadn’t gotten it treated. He was lucky it hadn’t gotten infected, or worse.  
  
“Why though, why did he do that?” Hazel paused before she kept pushing. Getting answers from Leo was like pulling teeth, if he was talking now, she needed to keep him at it.  
Though…In the back of her mind, she was picturing blood and pain. She remembered in his shop, telling him she thought he always seemed _more_. But now, she was seeing him for what he actually was; barely over 5 foot tall, probably around 100 pounds or less, and scared of his own family. Picturing a young boy, even one she hated for good reason, suffering that level of abuse was deeply disturbing. How had no one heard, how had no one reported it? Did their neighbors not care, or did they not hear?  
Why did Leo let them get away with it?  
  
“If you’re not gay, then _why_?”  
  
“Ah, gearhead, my turn first.” Leo finished his drink easily enough. “Aren’t jets like massive pollutants? If your firm is all saving people, saving the planet, isn’t this a waste?”  
  
He was clever to change the topic to her company, to make Hazel defend her own morals, to avoid diving too deeply into his own past, but Frank and Hazel were both aware of it.  
Hazel glowered, but eventually answered. It wasn’t over, not yet. “Yes, but we’ve invested in groups working on zero-waste planes and bullet trains, that sort of thing. Plus, we offset.”  
  
Leo made a befuddled face, “the fuck is _offset_?”  
  
“The carbon footprint of whatever activity we’re doing, we offset by funding other things that reduce carbon footprints. Installing renewable energy, like wind turbines, solar panels in developing countries, fund wildlife restoration, that sort of thing. We also offset for more environmentally friendly things, because materials for some of these products currently require non-energy efficient mining techniques. So, we offset for those, while trying to fund companies looking for alternatives to certain rare materials as well. So, for example, for this trip, our offset cost is about 400$ on top of the price of the flight. My turn?”    
  
Leo’s lips ticked downwards, but he let her continue. “That’s how it works, avellana.”  
  
“Have you ever had sex with a man?” Frank shot Hazel an exasperated look, rubbing at his temple.  
  
“ _Jesus Christ_ , Hazel…”  
  
Leo looked slightly taken back, before he laughed and shook his head. “Wow, you’re really stuck on that. You want an _explicitly_ clear answer? No, Hazel, I’ve never had sex or done anything sexual with a man before. I’ve never purposely kissed a man before. I have never dated a man. Hell, it took me nearly two years-“ Leo shut his mouth quickly, and looked at his drink. He looked nearly betrayed with himself.  
“…What’s the alcohol content in this?”  
  
“…18%,” Hazel smiled sweetly. She’d been watching how much Leo had been drinking, and they were barely 45 minutes into their flight. “At your height and weight…I’m guessing two cups is hitting you faster than us. You’ve always been smart, I’m sure you could do the math, but I’m guessing you’ve already well hit the 0.08% limit already…So, Leo? Do you want to finish that statement?”  
  
“That counts as a question,” Leo said quickly, narrowing his eyes up at her. “No. I don’t. Let’s turn that around on you; have you ever had sex with someone that wasn’t Frank?”  
  
Hazel smiled, and Leo didn’t like feeling out maneuvered. Technically, by not answering, she could have stopped. But, Hazel wasn't going to let go that easily. “Yes, we’ve both had multiple partners. Though, generally at the same time.”  
  
Leo blinked repeatedly, processing the statement. It was like they had fed a paradox to a robot, and his brain was struggling to keep up.  
  
“...Wait. But. What does-“  
  
“Ah, ears, my turn first.” Leo huffed, and leaned backwards in his chair, though he looked almost pleased Hazel had turned his own annoying tactic back around on himself. “Are you both cisgender and heterosexual?”  
  
Leo poured himself another half glass, humming to himself, letting Hazel and Frank sweat.  
  
“Will it change anything?” Leo asked finally, after thinking it over. He had a pretty good alcohol tolerance, even with his statue. He spent a good amount of his teens and early twenties drinking to forget. “If I were to tell you I was gay, bi, trans, anything... Would it change your opinion of me? Or is it all the same? The people I hurt, the hurt I caused you…it’s all still real, isn’t it? Would you really care? Would your brother care? Is it all forgiven, if I wasn’t cisgender or heterosexual? Do I get a pass? Or, would it be worse even? Knowing I was like you, or him, but that I still did what I did and said? I’m honestly curious.”  
  
Frank looked to Hazel, he already knew his own answer; but this week had been challenging for Hazel. Valdez was a challenge. He had no idea where to go with her, or what was coming.  
  
“I want to understand you. I came into the reunion expecting a _monster_ , but you’re a fallible human, and I think I always knew that. You were always complicated in school, and that hurt more. Because we could see you thinking it over, what exactly to say to hurt us the most at what moment. I didn’t always know then, how much of it you really meant, or even cared about; but you still said it to hurt me, to hurt the people around me.”  
Leo didn’t bother denying it. She was right.  
  
“But… I want to know _why_? I’ve always wanted to know. No, of course it won’t change what you did, or what you caused. But, it might at least give me context. It might make our trip more pleasant; it is supposed to be a vacation after all. And if you are serious, and you want to _help_ people? I can be there _with_ you. I do want to believe people can really change, but I need to know where you stand; because right now, Leo, you _haven’t_ changed that much."  
Leo flinched at that, it stung deep. After all this time, after everything, she was saying he hadn't changed?  
Hazel noticed his expression, and shook her head. "Oh, your words have, but you’re still thinking over every single thing you say, and the exact right amount of information to tell us. I can see it on your face, I can read between the lines. You know I’m not stupid, you know Frank isn’t stupid. You’re purposely dangling something in front of our faces, but you won’t say what. You came to my office, saying you wanted to talk to me, that you’ve changed, but at _no_ point have you apologized for what you did in the past. You’re just dancing around it.”  
  
Leo didn’t look at her, he just rubbed at his forehead, a headache beginning to form. That hurt. She was right, and it hurt.  
“I…just. _God_ , Hazel.” Leo exhaled sharply, running a hand through his hair. “I don’t want my childhood to define the rest of my life, and I don’t want kids to deal with the shit I did, or the shit I _caused_. I don’t want my childhood mistakes to define someones life. I sure as fuck don’t want kids to become like me; or suffer through what you did, what Nico did, what anyone else suffered through because of me… But, this is a lot. There are things about myself I’ve never told a single soul.”  
  
“I know,” Hazel agreed, leaning forward. “But…Don’t you want to tell someone? For once in how many years, wouldn’t it be nice to just be…honest? Don’t you want to apologize, if all you’re saying is true? Don't you think it would be like a weight being lifted?”  
  
“Hazel,” Frank started, grabbing her hand. “I think you should give him his space, for now.”  
  
Leo, on the other hand, was agitated; he was tapping his foot and his hand against his thigh and chewing on his thumbnail. Hazel was focused on it, nearly mystified by it, she’d never seen Leo Valdez like this in her life. She doubted anyone had.  
Frank, too, was somewhat distracted by the display. It was like the reunion, but even more amplified. Something struck Frank as strange, but he wasn’t sure what just yet. Like, he recognized something, but couldn’t place it.  
  
“I’ll,” Leo groaned, more with himself than anything. “Ugh. I’ll tell you. You just…need to give me some time, okay?”  
  
“That’s fine. I understand.” Hazel said softly, and Leo looked up at her finally. “But...Do you really think if you confided in me, in us, that I would hurt you?”  
  
“No,” Leo admitted, his voice sounding like it was nearly cracking, but that couldn’t be right. “That’s what sucks. I know better than most people that you’re a good person.”  
  
“A bossy person,” Hazel had a ghost of a smile and Leo snorted, rolling his eyes and looking out the port window.  
  
“Good play, gearhead.” Leo smiled just barely, at the sky passing them by. “As for…apologizing. I guess I thought…I thought you’d both do what you thought was the right thing and accept any apology I gave.”  
  
Hazel frowned, and Leo looked to the floor after seeing the negative reaction on her face. “So, you didn’t try? Leo, you don’t get to make that call. You don’t get to decide how we’re going to react. If we want to accept your apology, or not accept it; forgive you, or not forgive you…that’s ours. That’s our choice. Not yours.”  
  
“You’re right,” Leo said slowly, with a nod of the head. He didn’t want to be forgiven, and he was scared. He was a coward, Leo always knew that. “I’ll…I think I’m getting drunk. Can I sober up, before we continue this particular discussion?”  
  
“That’s fine.” Hazel knew she could probably push him further, but in all honesty, if Leo Valdez _was_ going to apologize to her, she wanted him sober. In fact, she sort of wanted it recorded. In stone.

“Are we in New York yet?”  
  
“…Not for a couple hours yet.”  
Leo nodded to himself, tap tap taping on his leg. He hadn’t done that in a while. The Hernandez’ hated it. The two foster couples he stayed with hated it. He never wanted Summer to hate it, so he kept it in. He clenched his fist into his pant-leg. He didn’t need to piss Hazel and Frank off more by being an annoying fidgety shit. He saw the way Frank had focused on it, looking bothered by it.  
  
“Neat. I’m going to sleep on a couch over-“ Leo stood and stumbled, and not due to turbulence. Hazel and Frank both stood up, but Leo fell into Hazel first. His face hit her chest, which was probably _not_ great for his life expectancy. It did feel nice though. “Shit.”  
  
Leo pushed backwards, feeling like his mind was lagging trying to keep up with his body. He watched as a water droplet hit the sleeve of Hazel’s shirt and scrunched up his nose in confusion. Water? But they were in a plane? Another dropped down, and Leo realized it was coming off him, off his face.  
“What the hell?” Leo whispered to himself, wiping at his face and staring down at his hand coming away wet.  Was he _crying_? When had _that_ happened? And _why_? “I don’t underst-“

  
  
Leo jerked awake at an announcement crackling over the intercom on the plane. His head was still a bit fuzzy, but he was unfortunately significantly more sober.  
“ _Fucking H Christ_ ,” Leo looked at his surroundings, flopping back downwards as the room spun. It seemed to be a back room in the plane. The door cracked open, and Leo sat up slowly when Frank looked in.  
  
“Oh, you’re awake. I was just about to get you. We’ve landed at JFK Airport. Once you’re up to it, we have a ride to the hotel.”  
  
“Right,” Leo’s voice felt a bit hoarse. God, he really hoped he hadn’t _actually_ been crying. He didn’t cry. “I’m up.”  
  
Leo got off the plane and what should have been impressive, standing outside of New York City, was _horrifically_ awkward. Hazel and Frank hadn’t said much to him, and without much fuss they had all gotten into a waiting limo.  
Leo purposely sat far away from the two and nursed a lemon water slowly.  
  
“Do you need an ibuprofen?” Frank asked after a minute, to which Leo shook his head.  
  
“Won’t do shit, pain meds don’t really work on me anymore.” Leo gestured lamely to his hand. That was an unfortunate side effect he hadn’t expected, post break. He spent months popping pills, found some folks with stronger stuff. Thankfully, he never had many issues with addiction, the problem was more they just didn’t do much. The strongest opioids he had just had him sleeping 20 hours a day, and he had bills to pay so Leo couldn’t do that. And the NSAIDs just didn’t do much of anything, besides briefly giving him a stomach ulcer.  
Leo was honestly terrified now, if he ever got surgery to fix some of the worst damage in his hand, that the recovery would mean just constant pain and no relief until it healed.  
  
“I might have access to horse tranquilizers?” Frank said, and Leo looked up at him with an amused but befuddled expression. “Sorry, bad…veterinarian joke.”  
  
“Say, uh…” Leo muttered after a few minutes. “Can we…forget anything I may have said, or did. Like, no one mentions it. Ever, preferably?”  
Especially if I cried into Hazel’s left boob, Leo winced thinking back on fuzzy memories.  
  
“No,” Hazel said, simply, legs crossed and looking out a window. “We can talk about it later.”  
  
Leo had essentially collapsed into her on the plane, and what seemed like a simple drunken stumble revealed itself to be more. Hazel had noticed around the same time Leo seemingly had, that he was crying. It surprised them both, and Hazel froze. Leo wasn’t grabbing onto Hazel anymore, but when he tried to right himself again, he looked about to fall back down. Frank moved in and put a hand on Leo’s back to help him towards the bed inside the jet. Hazel stared numbly the entire time. Leo Valdez was _crying_? Drunkenly, sure, but never in her life had she expected to see such a thing. He looked so small next to Frank.  
Leo hadn’t said much more in his drunken state and fell asleep relatively quickly; but his face was scrunched up on the bed, almost like he was in pain. Maybe he was. It took a while for his face to relax, even in sleep.  
  
It took about an hour from the airport in Queens to reach Leo’s abode for the next three days: the Mandarin Oriental.  
  
“Wow, what a name. Isn’t that like…offensive or something?” Leo said mostly to himself, as they pulled up in front of the building. The hotel itself didn’t start until halfway up a skyscraper, a Time Warner property apparently. He really wanted to appreciate New York more, but right now it was just a migraine and lights.  
  
“It’s owned by a Chinese firm. There’s a highly rated restaurant inside, but of course, you’ll be eating meals at three different three Michelin star rated restaurants in New York city,” Hazel told Leo as they went up an elevator. Leo still felt just slightly drunk, even though he knew he wasn't and nodded along, before shaking his head.  
  
“Yeah, I have literally no idea what you’re saying. Was that English?”  
  
“Really good food,” Frank said, leaning down just slightly. He was fairly used to traveling around with Hazel, and with his family when he was younger. His Grandmother owned quite a few businesses in China, Hong Kong, the US, and Canada. His father was…well, his father traveled. But, still, there were times it seemed foreign to himself as well, these huge extravagant places.  
“We’ll eat sushi tonight, hope you like it.”  
  
“No idea, never had it.” Leo sighed, realizing he under packed. Sure, his clothes were mostly newer, trendier, but they weren’t fancy. He had no suits to speak of. “They’re not going to kick me out, for looking like I do, will they?”  
  
“I had something made,” Hazel said effortlessly, like it wasn’t a big idea.  
  
“ _Mierda_ ,” Leo mumbled, trying not to catch the eye of the bellman. The guy was giving Leo a l _ook_.  
“I swear to god this isn’t what it looks like,” Leo said to the guy as he was getting off the elevator, the guy didn’t look like he believed him, and sent him a wink. _Great_. Probably thought Leo was a cheap hooker; stumbling, rumpled getting out of a limo, and probably smelling like booze still.  
  
When they got to the actual room, or suite rather, Leo dropped his bag. “ _Holy shit_.”  
  
Leo had no idea what he was expecting, sure he knew it was supposed to be fancy, but this wasn’t anything he could have ever pictured. This was so far outside the realm of anything Leo knew, it felt like outer space.  
New York so far had been unpleasant; he wasn’t awestruck or amazed like Leo expected to be. That plane ride went south rather quickly, and the streets below were just bustling and noise. It didn’t seem drastically different than LA, really.  
  
But here? Above it all?  
   
It was actually beautiful.  
  
The first thing Leo saw was the view out the windows on the opposite side of the room, looking out over Central Park and across what felt like the entire New York City skyline. The sunset was nearly gone by now, but the sky was still lit up pink and orange reflecting off the gleaming mirrored surfaces of the skyscrapers. Pigeons flew by, and in the lighting, even they looked like something out of a painting. Even if they were just glorified winged rats.  
  
“Wow,” Leo ran over to the window, unable to keep the big smile off his face. “Wow, that’s…”  
  
_You don’t deserve this_ , a voice told him, and Leo felt a sinking feeling in his stomach. He swallowed hard around the lump in his throat and stepped back. The smile died.  
  
“Afraid of heights? That surprises me.” Frank tipped the bellman and put a few of their bags down. Hazel had walked over, curious to see Leo’s reaction. She had seen part of the smile on his face, in the reflection, but it was gone as soon as she had noticed it.  
  
“No,” Leo said softly. “No…I’m not. I just…” _I don’t deserve this_. _I don’t deserve this. I don’t-_  
  
“You know,” Hazel started softly, “I didn’t know until today, when you were sleeping, how much you donated. I knew you had won, but for all I knew, it was random chance. A ten dollar donation that got lucky. Most people donated under well under 100 dollars. You donated 500 dollars, Leo. If you didn’t want this vacation, then you did that for kids that need a safe place to belong. That’s…a lot. I know we talked about apologies, but…there is a lot to be said for walking the walk.”  
  
“Right,” Leo said, turning away from the view. It was too much. “How much are the rooms here a night?”  
  
“Free, technically.” Hazel answered slowly, picking up on where he was going. “They were gifted to our foundation. As was the plane ride, as is the food, as was virtually everything.”  
  
“Hazel,” Leo looked up at her, seriously. No amusement, no pretenses. “Tell me how much all of this cost, really? All of it. You said your offset amount was around 400, right? That’s already almost as much as I donated.”  
  
She paused, and exchanged a glance with Frank. “If…they hadn’t been donated to us?”  
  
“Well,” Hazel bit her lip, looking out the window. “The room alone is normally around…20,000 a night. With the plane, the food, the tickets…So, around…100,000 all together? Not including taxes…”  
  
Leo nearly fell into a chair and tried to put his head between his knees. The room was swimming. “Are you fucking kidding me right now? Would it have cost _that_ much more to change your plans? Why did you bring _me_ , for fucks sake! Why did you bring _me_?!”  
  
Hazel looked to Frank. Leo wasn’t inebriated any longer. This wasn’t a drunken slip up; Leo Valdez was seemingly having an emotional break down in their suite. It wasn’t their responsibility to help him, they didn’t know if he deserved to even be comforted.  
But…  
  
“So,” Frank sat down gingerly on the chair next to Leo. “Uh. Do you want to talk to us, about what you’re feeling right now?”  
  
“No, _Frank_!” Leo hissed, looking up. He wasn't crying, but his eyes were red. “I really don’t! What are you, a fucking shrink?!”  
  
“It kind of sounds like you’re having a panic attack, it might help to-“  
  
“Oh, _buddy_ , I have been having a nearly non-stop panic attack since I got the call for the fucking reunion! This is,” Leo waved at the window, to the suite. “This is SO different. I-“  
Leo stood up, and went on a lengthy rant, for about three solid minutes, pointing at various things in the room, at the couple, repeatedly at Hazel’s shoes, before stopping and panting.  
  
The couple looked frozen in place. Frank seemed to be squinting at Leo in mild confusion, while Hazel’s eyebrows were high up, and she was biting her lower lip.  
  
“ _What?!_ ” Leo yelled, feeling all the energy he had slowly leaving his body. “What now?! What possibly now?!”  
  
“That…was pretty much _entirely_ in Spanish.” Frank said slowly. “We…speak English, French, and Mandarin. We’re… Trying to learn Spanish, but… but, uh, not so much… _very_ rapid fire Spanish.”  
  
“Kill me,” Leo stated blankly, before sitting back in his seat. “Where’s the Empire state building, I need to jump off it. Oh wait, there it is, right outside my fucking window.”  
  
“That was….” Hazel stated. “I’ve never heard you speak that much Spanish before. Or speak that quickly. Or sound so…” Unhinged, scared, upset, angry, honestly and truly emotional?  
  
“Yeah...well.” Leo frowned to himself, the panic attack starting to pass. “I haven’t spoken that much Spanish all at once since my mom died, actually.”  
  
“You remember what I said, right, Valdez?” Frank said slowly. “You shouldn’t feel guilty about this, what you’re funding is good. And, you can always work with her groups, or other groups to help people. You can’t really put a price on showing up for someone in need, even if you couldn’t ever afford a trip like this yourself, the positive impact you could have on a person could be far greater. Plus, all of it _was_ donated. It’s free. You’re lucky, sure-”  
  
“I’ve never been lucky a goddamn day in my life, Zhang.” Leo cut in, looking up at the man with narrowed eyes.  
  
“ _Okay_ , that was a lot. Moving past _that_ for now.”  
  
“Ugh, shut up, Zhang. Stop being nice.” Leo sighed, raking a hand down his face. “Do I really have to wear a suit?”  
  
Hazel pointed at clothing hanging on a hook. “…You’ve got an hour before our showing. If you’re up for it, of course…You don’t _have_ to go. Canceling the entire trip would have been difficult, but since we’re here now, you can absolutely just stay here, or go get other food. Frank and I can go to scheduled events, if you want. But, it is _your_ prize. Once in a lifetime opportunity.”  
  
“…What showing?” Leo asked slowly, hollowly.

"Hamilton?"

"Well, fuck."  
  
  
  
What Hazel ‘had made’ for him was more of just a nice blazer, thank Christ. Leo could simply wear it with a nicer shirt he had brought, and some slacks.  
When Leo started to walk out of the suite, Hazel frowned, and pulled him back into the bathroom to spray something into his hair.  
Getting yanked into a bathroom by Hazel at the top of her clothing game for a formal evening was a mild thrill, but it was a pretty much silent process. Hazel was not particularly gentle about fixing his hair, but Leo didn’t care. After the long day, his curls were getting a bit frizzier, but she had fixed it quickly enough. They didn’t quite have the same hair type, but curly knew curly. Plus, no one had touched his hair in years, and it was kind of nice.  
  
Hazel finished it off by spraying cologne onto his wrist, and when he complained about smelling like Frank, she assured him it was a different kind than what he wore. Leo wasn’t going to ask where she had gotten an entirely other cologne from, or how much that might have cost.  
They both seemed to be warm scents, but Leo realized sitting near the man that evening, that Frank’s cologne had more of an earthy smell to it, like a forest. Leo didn’t know much about fragrances, he just slathered on cheap deodorant for work, but the kind Leo was wearing seemed just a bit sweeter and a bit spicier than whatever was on Frank. They were both nice, and Leo tried to cover up the fact that halfway through the play, he’d been sniffing Frank’s shoulder on occasion. It was weirdly intoxicating.  
  
Hazel was usually on Frank’s other side, she apparently didn’t want to be sat next to Leo for understandable reasons. Leo only got a few whiffs, but whatever Hazel was wearing, didn’t contrast either of their colognes. So many perfumes Leo had smelled in school were heavy and cloying to the senses, they made him sneeze or gave him a headache, and were usually far too sweet and artificial. The first girl Leo slept with, he remembered her hair smelled like fake fruit and her clothes smelled like strong fake cotton candy, and the smell wouldn’t leave. It was terrible.  
Hazel’s perfume now, on the other hand, was simply… _sexy._ It was rich, but subtle. Hints of flowers, vanilla, woods, hints of spices, and something else entirely. It was very Hazel.  
  
But Leo still felt wrong, watching Hamilton that night. No amount of fancy clothing or cologne could cover that.  
It was undeniably great, he enjoyed it, and moreover enjoyed seeing Hazel and Frank mouthing along to words and songs. As rich and successful as they were, some part of Leo was happy to see they were still the dorks he knew in school.  
It didn’t help though, Leo still felt itchy in his own skin; the feeling that he didn’t deserve what was happening never went away, it just got quieter. Leo realized it felt sort of like he had in high school. He felt sick. It felt wrong, like watching a movie of his own life.  
He made a pros and cons list in his head during the latter half of the play, and it helped some, but Leo was just so goddamn tired of always feeling like this and he didn’t know how to change it. Summer had recommended a doctor, maybe medication, but Leo couldn’t afford any of it then or now.  
  
He still needed to apologize. Why hadn't he properly apologized?  
  
Dinner was still next, and Frank had to talk Leo through most of it, because he had no idea what the fuck to do. Couples near him at the bar were shooting Leo disapproving looks whenever he asked Frank anything.  
‘No, no. See you just eat it, don’t put- no don’t use that for that’ Frank would lean down and whisper from time to time. The man had frozen solid as Leo assumed the green stuff was guac and took a good scooping of it. It was not guac. Thankfully, Leo liked the heat, but was told not to insult the chef by adding things needlessly.  
Too many rules for food, Leo had muttered, feeling self conscious . Frank shrugged a shoulder with a small smile, and suggested maybe pizza for lunch tomorrow.  
  
By the time they returned to the Mandarin suite, Leo was exhausted, emotionally and physically.  
But he still couldn’t sleep.  
There was too much nervous energy. At home, he’d probably stay up all night, fiddling with something or working on a design that would never get made.  
  
“How was it?” Hazel asked pleasantly enough. Even though she hadn't sat next to Leo much, for some reason ever since Leo yelled at her and Frank when they arrived at the suite, she seemed happier. It was…weird. He had expected her to be angry at some point. He expected her to continue their talk from the plane, but she had just gotten changed into pajamas.  
  
Leo had said it was good, because he didn’t know what else to do, and thanked her and Frank as politely as he could. The couple decided to go wash up and go to bed as it was nearing midnight.  
  
Leo sat in the main area of the suite, staring out the window thinking things through, until the door buzzed. Leo’d long since thrown off his blazer, and he changed into his pajama bottoms. Hopefully the person wouldn’t care.  
  
It took Leo a second to recognize the man, but it was the bellman from before. Leo blanched, thinking on the look the man had sent him. They’d encountered him briefly again, when they left and came back, and he’d always looked somewhat amused by the situation. Leo wondered what the guy thought, seeing Hazel and Frank obviously being to ones to escort Leo out onto the town.  
  
“Can…I help you?” Leo asked cautiously, not understanding why the guy was here. Was there some sort of delivery Leo didn’t know of? Something else that came with the suite?

“Hey,” the guy smiled, with twin dimples. “I know this is kind of… _unkosher_ …but, I’m having a get together later this week, me and some guys.”  
  
Leo was lost. Why was he telling Leo? “…Okay, _and?_ ”  
  
“Oh, well, me and a couple guys, friends of mine, just thought, maybe…it’d be cool if you were there?” The man was trying to go for charming, and he wasn’t bad looking, not really Leo’s type, but it wasn’t like the guy was hideous.  
  
“I…don’t know you, and also I’m leaving for San Francisco by then, so…Sorry? No?" The dude just wanted to party? Did he think Leo had money? Was Leo getting hit on? What was happening? Should he be flattered? It wasn't like Leo had never been hit on, or flirted with before, even by guys. Leo never did anything, never thought much of it. But, that was at local bars with Calypso or someone, not in a hotel by an employee.  
  
“Look, I _know_ I’m just a guy that works in a hotel, but I actually make really good money here, and my friends aren’t cheap either. Tips are really good, you know.” Realization was sinking in, as the man asked Leo, “so, what’s your rate?”  
  
“Oh my _god_ ,” Leo said incredulously. There was no goddamn way. “Do you seriously think I’m a hooker? Do I _look_ like a hooker? That was a joke, man.”  
  
“Come on, it’s fine.” The guy whispered, with a big smile like it was a secret between just them. “We get people like you through here all the time. _Lots_ of escorts. Women and men. I get it, really, I’m not judging. I just think you’re cute, and maybe you’d like to have some fun?” The guy took a step into the room, and Leo wanted to laugh or cry, one of the two. “Where’s the big guy and lady?”  
  
“Asleep,” Leo shook his head. Thank fucking Christ they were asleep; they’d probably be laughing their asses off at _Leo Valdez_ getting propositioned by a guy. Leo Valdez, the male prostitute. _Hilarious_.  
“God, man, _no_.” Leo was nearly laughing. “You need to go. Okay? You have no fucking idea-”  
  
Then Leo found himself slammed against the wall, with a mouth against his own. This was not weepy drunk Lester, this was not Summer, this was not any of the girls Leo had ever kissed. This was- Disgusting, wrong. What had just happened?  
  
Leo shoved hard against the man, as well as he could, and tried to turn his head away.  
“You fucker. Let go of-“ he had grabbed Leo’s bad hand and spun him around against the wall. Panic was starting to set in as Leo yelped in pain, forehead hitting the wall. The bellman had a tight grip on the worst possible place.  
  
“So…What if I just slip a few hundred in your pocket now, huh?” The guys voice was way too close to his ear, it felt repugnant. “Can I have a taste? I won’t go all the way. I know I’m probably not as big as the other guy, but that means you’re probably loose now, huh? You’re so small though...”  
A hand wrapped over Leo’s mouth, as Leo tried to push away and yell. The guy had effectively and probably accidentally found a way to shut him up and keep him in place by taking hold of Leo’s bad hand. But, Leo wasn’t going to not try. He tried to bite down the hand as hard as he could, feeling his teeth break through a few layers of skin; but the guy just slammed Leo’s head into the wall, until Leo felt slightly dizzy.  
“J _esus_ , I’ll pay double, okay? Don’t make this difficult. I’m a reasonable guy.”  
  
The guys body weight was against Leo’s back, and he felt another hand hook thumbs on the corner of Leo’s pajama bottoms.  
Holy shit, what was happening? Was this for real? Was this some elaborate horrible joke? Leo thought numbly, I’m-  
  
Suddenly the guy was off Leo, and on the ground; he had been hit with enough force that the grip he had on Leo, caused Leo to start to fall. But, an arm grabbed onto Leo, keeping him from toppling over.  
Leo was expecting Frank and found Hazel instead.  
  
Ah, Leo remembered, Hazel took kickboxing in school.  
  
Hazel, in soft rose gold pajamas, hair wrapped up already, ready to throw down. She wasn’t looking at Leo, she was looking at the bellman on the ground. She was looking at him like she wanted him _dead_. It was angrier than Leo had ever seen the woman. Like hell itself could open from the floor itself and pull the man in.  
  
Frank appeared similarly out of nowhere, and hauled the man to his feet, and slammed him not softly against the wall. The guy was begging at that point, apologizing, saying it was a mistake, he didn’t mean to, he’d pay them if they wanted.  
Leo remembered Frank getting mad in school, fighting back; but this Frank had more than bulked up, his arms were thicker than Leo’s thighs.  
  
And, similar to his wife, he looked _furious_.  
  
It was sort of a blur after that, but it wasn’t a quick process. The guy didn’t get punched and leave, like a movie plot. Frank and Hazel weren’t going to let him get off so easily, they called up the building manager, and then the police.  
  
Leo described on autopilot what had happened; the man denied it all, saying Leo agreed to it, that Leo was a prostitute. Hazel and Frank testified he was decidedly not, why they were there, etc. The hotel management itself agreed; they had been the ones to donate the room, after all. It was in _Leo’s_ name.  
Moreover, the guy had stupidly left the front door wide open when he had attacked Leo, and while there weren’t cameras in the suite itself, there were security cameras in the hallway that saw virtually everything. Everyone saw everything, as they played back the footage.  
The police took statements, and handcuffed the man. They said Leo didn’t have to be present for any trials or anything like that, because he was from out of state. Leo didn't want to have to think about being subpoenaed into testifying against the guy. But, one of the officers said they had more than enough testimony and evidence. And after a couple hours they left.  
  
“Are you okay?” Leo looked up to see Hazel sitting down next to him on the couch. She honestly looked worried, and so very sad. “I’m _so_ sorry that happened. I don’t know what to say…I just…”  
  
_You deserved to be hurt_ , the voice told Leo again. “It’s fine.”  
  
“No, no it wasn’t. This is supposed to be a vacation.” Hazel shook her head and clenched her fists in her nightgown. “I can’t believe…Who would do such a thing? Whatever sentence he gets, it isn't long enough.”  
  
“It’s fine, I…” Leo met her eyes, and something snapped. Hazel looked sad, she looked angry, she looked _vengeful_. Leo flashed on the memory, of looking back at Hazel while Frank was knelt on the ground bloody nosed.  
No one would ever want to protect me like that, Leo had thought. Leo knew deep down. No one would ever have his back. No one would care when he was hurt. They left him, they abandoned him. They watched while his hand was broken apart. No one would ever-  
  
“Hazel, I-” Leo’s voice had dropped to the point it was barely audible, and her colors began to swim in his eyes. Caramel hair mixed into brown skin and gold eyes, and Leo looked down at the floor to hide his face. “…I’m tired. I’m going to go to bed.”  
  
“…Okay, if you’re sure.” Hazel said softly, sounding more uncertain than Leo did.  
  
“Here,” Frank appeared, blocking his exit, and handed Leo what appeared to be hot cocoa. “I hope you like mint chocolate, that’s all they had.”  
  
“ _Why_?” Leo bit out, staring at the cup bitterly. “Why are you doing this? I don’t deserve this.”  
  
Frank frowned, “…you don’t deserve cocoa?”  
  
Leo huffed, and pushed the cup back at Frank, but he wouldn’t take it back. “I don’t need it. I’m _fine_.”  
  
“You were just assaulted, Leo…”  
  
“I’m fine,” Leo said slowly, anger growing, and he didn’t know what at. “Get it through your thick skull, Zhang.” _Shut up, shut up_.  
  
“Leo,” Hazel called softly, quietly, and he turned to look at her. She had a look on her face, one he’d never seen. “You didn’t deserve this.”  
  
Why he was acting like this, why he was like this, _why._  
  
“I don’t- I don’t,” Leo shook his head, hand clenched around the mug. “Just _leave me alone_. I’m going to bed.”  
Leo stood up and pushed past Frank. He knew they were following him, and as Hazel asked if Leo was certain he wanted to be alone, he slammed the door in her face.  
  
They needed to leave him alone, they needed to stay away from him. Leo sat down on the edge of the bed, just as tears began to drip down his face again.  
“I ruined everything. Again.” Leo whispered to himself, watching as droplets hit the top of the cocoa, making small waves.  
  
“You’re an idiot,” Hazel said plainly, and Leo choked slightly, looking up at her through the tears.  
When the fuck did she get in the room? Were there no locks on these doors?  
  
“What the hell, Levesque, I told you-“ Hazel walked over and sat next to Leo on the bed. Leo started to shift away, confused and flustered.  
He’d just hurt her more.  
  
“It’s not your fault. You’re _not_ blameless for the past, Leo, for a lot of the hurt you caused us. I meant what I said, the hurt and pain was still real…But this, Leo? I can read between the lines, and you’re blaming yourself for things you shouldn’t be. And, you know...you did what so many people never do, you grew up. I do think you changed, that you changed your mind. You moved past the environment you were raised in; you realized and acknowledged your mistakes and the people you hurt. You told me you want to help people. _You_ deserve to be happy. You deserve to be _here_. You deserved to feel safe. Please, don't blame yourself for tonight, don't blame yourself for what happened.”

“I still haven’t even-“Leo was shaking, and he was going to say something, but Hazel held up a finger.  
  
“You did not deserve to be hurt tonight, Leo. In any way, shape, or form, or for any reason. This was not your fault, and you did not _ruin_ anything.” Leo shook his head.  
  
“No, Hazel, you don-“  
  
“Don’t understand what you did in school? Pretty sure I do. More than most. It doesn’t change anything I’ve said. You _deserve_ to be here. You _didn’t_ deserve to be hurt. You don't deserve to be hurt. And now, you’re going to drink your hot cocoa, then you’re going to sleep, and you’re going to call us if you need anything. Okay? Do you understand?” Leo nodded after a moment, holding onto his drink, lip trembling just slightly.  
“Good. We can talk more in the morning, but right now, you need rest.”  
  
Leo nodded again. His hand hurt.  
Hazel stood up, and she looked up at where Frank was standing near the doorway, crossed arms and looking nearly distraught. Hazel, she wanted to help; Frank, he wanted to protect, and it was hurting him to think about what very nearly happened to Leo just a hallway away from where Hazel and Frank had been in bed. If it hadn’t been for the quiet yelp and thump they heard, who knows what would have happened.  
Frank wanted to crack the guys skull open. This was so far beyond anything Frank had personally dealt with. He wasn’t ignorant, of course not, he had friends who had faced harassment, abuse and rape, but never under his own roof.  
  
“To bed,” Hazel reiterated, and pointed to Leo’s pillow after Leo was done sipping his drink silently. “Good boy,” Hazel said on autopilot, and took the mug when he was done and placed it to the side. “Get some sleep.”  
  
Leo slid under the blankets, still feeling somewhat numb, confused. He was an adult. He shouldn't have to be comforted like this, he should have been tougher than this.  
He didn't want her to go.  
  
“Goodnight, Leo.”  
  
“Okay,” Leo mumbled, turning over onto his side. He was just staring at the wall. “Okay. Goodnight…”  
  
They weren’t friends, they weren’t close, they had so far barely tolerated each other. They had virtually no good history between them.  
Hazel still felt horrifically guilty shutting the door and leaving Leo Valdez alone right then.  
  
“I don’t like this,” Frank admitted, nearly reading her mind. “I know he’s… but I can’t just…”  
  
Hazel turned around abruptly and reopened the door. Leo had already started gotten to the edge of his bed, not looking like he was planning on sleeping. He looked mildly startled, and guilty.  
  
“Sorry, I uh…” Leo grumbled and laid back down perfectly still with his arms folded like a corpse. “Sorry.”  
  
Hazel walked over and laid on top of the blankets on one side of the bed, and Frank did the same on the other side. It was a large bed, but three people was pushing it.  
“Um,” Leo frowned and pushed up on his elbows. “What…is this a sleep over? Am I in the wrong room?”  
  
“Go to sleep, Leo.” Hazel ordered, and Leo looked to her, and then to Frank who simply shrugged, before laying back down.  
  
"...Okay."  
  
Oddly enough, they did all sleep well.  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, so. Boy. A lot of things in this chapter. This is one of those writing moments like 'i have no idea how well I handled this, I'm just going to have to sit back and wait.'  
> Nothing is going to be swept under a rug, nothing is going to be used just for shock-drama.  
> The next chapter will start to move things in a more upward direction.  
> We've got some actual apologies comin'
> 
> As a note edit;   
> I realized that one of this issues with writing chapter to chapter is some things end up having to wait. 
> 
> I want to emphasize here at least, that Hazel especially, but also Frank, -did not do the right thing here-  
> They are not immune to criticism of their behavior or actions just because they were bullied.  
> In fact, there's been things throughout all of the chapters that weren't right, or healthy, and it will be addressed. They are not infallible, and Leo is definitely not going to be the only one apologizing in the future.  
> Give folks their space if they want it, don't presume to know better. There's a line between bossy and controlling.


End file.
